A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Afternoon all.I need some advice with how to end a friendship.I met my friend 10 years ago..when we worked together and we always kept in touch after i left..her doing most of the chasing and phoning.Shortly after she got pregnant and asked me to be Godmother..i agreed but its a decision i regret as the child is such a spoilt brat and gives my friend no end of trouble.Also she got together with her partner who is the most useless layabout. I feel they both took me for a mug as i lent them quite a bit of money as they were always broke and i stupidly felt sorry for them. The money went on dvds and take out!!I havent lent them any money for the past 3 years and am frugle with presents when its their birthdays. She now has another child -3 year old boyand basically she always wants to meet up and for me to go over to their house..the truth is i cant be bothered...i cant stand her children or her fiance. And when i do go round or meet up ,me and my friend dont even talk..we never have anything to say to eachother.How do i get out of this...i know its mean but the more time i spend with them the more resentful i get.I really dont understand how i got myself in to this friendship but i never considered her a "close" friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Just to clear some things up....i agreed to be godmother because she doesnt have many friends and i felt sorry for her..she wants this friendship more than me.
Also she has her mum and sister woho would take guardian of her children if anything happened to her..i have made it very clear i wouldnt take responabitlity with them.
I have my own friends so its not a case of me making other friends.
Even before she had the kids we never went out together anyway..and dont have mmuch in common.Its been her persistanc eover the years that has kept this friendship going.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): It sounds to me like you once felt more invested in this friendship than you are identifying here, and that it is slow resentment over the long term that is causing this gap in your relationship. It sounds as if you have not felt respected for a long time, and feel excluded from your friendship with her because she has new priorities with her partner and child. Perhaps you feel as if there is no longer any place for you in this friendship and blame the child and partner? Compound this with the money issue, and you have a big pile of resentment that draws a shadow over all the interactions you have.
I think that you are still more invested in your friendship (or the idea of holding on to the idea of what your friendship used to be) than you are admitting. Walking away from someone isn't all that difficult. My advice would be to come clean with her and air out the resentment. Tell her that you feel resentful of the money you lent that they never paid back. Tell her you feel like the relationship is very one sided, and that you don't feel like she makes a place for you in her life. Maybe tell her you would like to spend some time with her alone doing things you used to do.
If it doesn't work out, at least you can end it cleanly, and know what was possible before you walk away. You may not be able to salvage your friendship, or you may find that it blooms again once you have aired your resentment.
In any case, if you honestly do not like the child, you should not remain its godparent. If something were to happen to the mother, that child would be your responsibility for the rest of your/their life.
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 You have a problem, my dear. you say you never considered her a close friend but you said yes to being Godmother to her child??
Now you are considering ending the friendship for one reason or another. What about the child? You leave the friendship and now this child is without a Godmother, who could very well be a very influential person in their life.
If you truly want to end the friendship, then have the respect for her to be up front and honest with your friend and tell her why. Don't beat around the bush.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Start by not being available everytime they she calls. Make excuses not to go over to their place. Find your own friends and slowly move on with your life. They seem to see you as a meal-ticket. They will soon get the hint and start bumming off someone else.
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