A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My boyfriend has been unemployed for about a year and a half. He used to have quite a nice paying job, and saved about half his salary every month. I know he is looking forward to buy a house later on and the savings are for his down payment. After he quit his job he studied a while for some IT certificates, and started looking for a job. But after 3 or 4 months of job searching it didn't work out so he went back to study again. I mean it doesn't affect me financially because he still has money to cover rent and stuff, and he even pays the larger portion, but what I feel now is that he really just doesn't want to face the harsh job market again. And since he has some saving, why not just stay in the comfort zone. The problem is, it still stress our life a lot, my parents used to ask about him and now I don't even know what to say, cause I am running out of excuses. When I bring it up to him, he gets mad and say he will get a job that pays twice as much compare to my salary. Well I know he can since I think he got almost all the certificates in IT during this past one and a half year, but he doesn't have the courage to face rejection (during job searching).I thought men are usually more thick skinned in the job market. I really don't know what to do. The longer it takes the uglier it gets.Are there any ways I can encourage him? Or it might need to be that he spent all his savings and then he will pick up himself to go find a job?
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (13 December 2010):
I think you should back off and stop the nagging.
He previously had a well paid position : that shows he is not work shy.
He needs to concentrate on his studies and maybe use the College professors to 'network' in his chosen field if possible. Could he get contracts if he set up as self-employed and worked from home ?
But for now if I were you I would just enjoy whatever else you get from having him as your boyfriend. He needs you to be supportive and affectionate, not badgering and moaning .
Are you both enjoying the sex at least ?
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Well if ever there was a time to study, this is the time... Just as long as he's not studying simply because he doesn't want to work...
At the end of the day he has to do this for himself, anything you do to try to "encourage" him, he's probably going to interpret as you "nagging" him.
As long as he's not borrowing money from you or the banks and he can still cover rent and stuff, it shouldn't concern you too much if you ask me... At least he's studying instead of just sitting on the couch doing nothing.
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