A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months, and we both live an hour away from each other. In the 3 months that we have known each other, I have always driven to see him weekly (sometimes twice a week), and he's only driven down to see me once. I know he loves me and cares about me, but he is too lazy to drive down and he prefers that we party together with his friends on the weekend, instead of him coming down and just hanging out with me solo. I love him to death but I'm really tired of him making me do all the work. I'm thinking that I should refuse to come see him until he comes to see me? The only problem is, he's leaving in 2 weeks to go home for 2 weeks, so I don't want to go a month without seeing him because he's stubborn and won't give in.So my question is, should I refuse to see him until he comes to see me first? And if so, should I start now, or wait until after he comes back from vacation. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome of you have said he's using me, but I don't think he is. We were seeing each other a month before we started dating, and we were basically just friends with benefits. There is nothing extra that he could've gained by asking me to be his girlfriend. And it's not one of those BS relationships where a guy asks a girl to be his girlfriend just to flatter her. All his friends and family (mom and grandmother included) know that we're together and they treat me like their own friend/family member. I talked to him about the whole situation, and he agreed to start coming down more :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome of you have said he's using me, but I don't think he is. We were seeing each other a month before we started dating, and we were basically just friends with benefits. There is nothing extra that he could've gained by asking me to be his girlfriend. And it's not one of those BS relationships where a guy asks a girl to be his girlfriend just to flatter her. All his friends and family (mom and grandmother included) know that we're together and they treat me like their own friend/family member. I talked to him about the whole situation, and he agreed to start coming down more :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): "My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months, and we both live an hour away from each other. In the 3 months that we have known each other, I have always driven to see him weekly (sometimes twice a week), and he's only driven down to see me ONCE."I'm the poster about "the rules," it's not about manipulation. It's about seeing how much a guy is interested. If you can't get a guy interested in you in the beginning, high chance long term, it won't turn out. It seems like he's using you for a weekend fling, etc. From the other poster: "If you wanna test how much work he is ready to put into this relationship-" I think she ALREADY DID that, 2x a week, for 2-3 months, compared to his ONE, ONE time! Come on off, already. You KNOW this guy is NOT worth her time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): There are no rules how a relationship should go. Some guys are just too lazy. It is up to you to decide if you can accept this laziness for the positive things about him that made you fall for him. I will tell you one thing. Don't let ego drive you. There is no place for ego in a relationship. There should not be a competition to see who misses whom the most. The competition can be in the opposite direction with both of you competing to show love. If you wanna test how much work he is ready to put into this relationship, don't say "I wont come to see you until you come first." Make up some reason and tell him that you are unable to come because of that and ask him to come to your place. That way, it wont look like a clash of egos.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): No matter what the media or feminists tell you..women should never chase a guy. If you do, you'll never know where you stand with him.
The other women on this posts are right, he's NOT that into you. Trust me, when men are into you, they show it by their actions (unless they're playing the game, which you should drop those guys).
There's a book called, All The Rules, http://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257414107&sr=8-1
You don't need the tapes, cds, etc - JUST that 1 book. If you live near a B&N, Book store, go buy that book ASAP, it's worth your $5-$10.
The only thing I'd focus on in that book is Part 1 (part 2 is a waste of time). It will help you realize which guys are worth your time and lets you know which guys to drop.
You don't have to follow it exactly, but on the portion that talks about a long distance relationship, I'd try to follow it as close as possible.
I bought it for my kindle, within last week. However, I've been doing "the rules," even before I read "the rules," I was never a man-chaser. It really shows what men are just a waste of time.
That book has an example of the same situation which you're dealing with, and will tell you, that guy is not worth your time since he's NOT that into you (judging by actions - which are the KEY indicator with men).
The biggest thing about men, don't go by what they SAY. It's all action, baby. He sounds like he's young and likes to party. You say he's stubborn, and doesn't give in, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's because he hasn't met the right woman yet. When men fall, they fall hard, and no matter how they think they'll never chase a chick, etc - they WILL, IF they're into her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): You need to retitle this questions "how can I get my BF to get off his ass, make me a priority and make and effort with me?"... the answer might be more obvious... you can't.If he can't be bothered, you need to tell him bye-bye...Tell him that you can't make the drive and see what happens... odds are good you'll get a childlike response.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 If it's too much effort to come and see you, it usually indicates he is not "that into you".
However, if you wanted to give it one last try, you could try to invite him to something he'd like that is local to you. For example, a concert, tickets to an event at a club, or something like that.
Your only other choice is to decide to date someone more local or willing to share in the commute.
You have some thinking to do. I hope you choose your happiness and well-being over fear of being single.
Good luck!
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female
reader, SugarBear +, writes (5 November 2009):
 The man should chase you. Do you want to spend all the time going to him.. A man falls in love during the time he is away from you. So yes make him come to you, he does not make the rules.One month would be great to figure out if he loves you at all. Are you driving there so he can get free sex??? I hope not he should want to spend alone time with you not his friends... Do what you want, life is short. Relationships are 50/50 even steven baby. If not stop working so hard..
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