| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My BF may be going away for a weekend (in like 2 more weeks) to some far away city, with his friends and classmates, for some school trip. They're going to be in these meetings with experts about psychology (he's in the Psychology program in his uni). Since we've been together, neither of us has had to go out of town for a weekend. I mean, he said he's going to study and all that, but I'm a bit insecure and anxious, as our relationship has been a bit rocky as of lately (because of trust issues he has with me), so what if he meets a gorgeous psychology student from another uni and gets some action? (If he wanted to get revenge... I haven't cheated but I lied, plus he thinks my past is slutty). I mean his buddies know that he's with me, but I mean, they won't stop him. He loves me and told me not to worry, that he's going purely for academical reasons, but I can't help it! He might go out to a pub or something, with the students from other universities, so how can I ease my mind? I mean, he tried to reassure me, but I don't think it was enough? On top of it I feel AWFUL for being this insecure/selfish... I know I shouldn't be feeling like this! Help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): This is a two way thing. He'll be thinking, "What will she be doing while I'm away? Maybe she'll meet somebody else". Both of you enjoy your time away from each other and trust each other. Throughout our lives we all have to have a bit of time away from partners for various reasons. When you meet again afterwards it will have given you both a bit of time to appreciate each other. Don't say anything more to him about going away, don't whine, don't make him feel guilty. Be positive, plan what you are going to do with your time, catch up on this and that. He will think so much more of you and look forward to seeing you again on his return.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 Think about this question, "what if he does?" People are together because they choose to be. People are faithful because they choose to be. They're not obligated too be with the other person. If he we're to cheat, that's a decision he'd make, but then you too would have choices. Stay and forgive, or move on and find someone who wouldn't do that.
You're trying to protect yourself out of fear. The fear of losing this person. This fear produces the feelings of having to hold on tighter than you probably should. All though you don't want to loose him, you have to respect the fact that he is his own person, and should have the freedom to choose for himself. You just need to trust that he will make the correct choices.
If he really respects you and wants this relationsihp, he'll continue to treat you within your boundaries of how you choose to be treated. If he doesn't, he wouldn't be the one for you.
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