A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so this is really hard. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We hit it off right away and fell in love so fast. about 8 months prior to meeting him I had just gotten out of a 10 year relationship (not a very happy one) I was so happy with my new boyfriend, I had never felt so happy my entire life. When we started getting serious I started to realize that i still had insecurties about what had happened to me in my past relationship.( my ex was into drugs and cheating) One night my bf and I were drinking just the two of us. We ran out of wine so he was going to the store to get some more. He left but didnt come back.He had never done this before. I got upset, this was something that my ex always did to me. I called up a friend of mine (a guy i have known for 8 years) I was crying and he came over. I spilled my guts to him about how upset I was that my new bf just left and didnt come back. Now thing is my bf had actually met this friend of mine. Anyway this friend of mine let me ball my eyes out for hours but then he started telling me how he truly felt for me. How we should be more than just friends and that he was the only person that can give me the love I deserve and that my new bf is going to be just like my ex. he kept on saying things like that and then he made an advance on me...I stopped the advance and told him I dont feel that way for him. We continued on drinking and talking but he kept making advances... eventually i ended up kissing him...we made out, yes some touching was involved but absolutley no sex. I felt disgusted that I gave in and pushed him off of me and he did stop...thing is my bf had actually come back and heard through my door that he was there. i kicked my friend out. the next day my bf came over and we talked. He was pissed no doubt and i felt like shit over it. I have never ever cheated before and I was so confused on why I let it happen. We took some days apart from eachother to figure things out. I didnt eat or sleep even shower for days!! I lost weight. He got back in contact with me and came over. I appologized from the bottom of my heart and told him i accept what ever consequence comes my way (I deserve it) He decided to stay with me he wanted to work things out. I felt relieved i didnt want to lose him.(he doesnt really believe i didnt have sex but i really didnt) Now heres where it gets more complicated. (Keep in mind all this happened very early on. we had only been together for 5 months) Anyway he also had this "friend" he and her always texted eachother. I actually met her a few times. I knew right away after meeting her that they had more than just a "friendship" going on. The way she looked at him and the way she acted around him. Anytime she talked to me it was always about him. It was a dead give away to me that something else was going on but I had no proof so i didnt dwell on it. A few weeks after I cheated he came clean about his friend and that he had cheated on me with her before i did it to him. We talked and I decided to let it go. I know this all sounds so damn crazy but we want to be together. We have been together ever since been 6 months since all this happened. Still very fresh I know. Thing is I know he still thinks about it. he had a dream the other night that I cheated on him and has hardly talked to me for days. I know when stuff like this happens it takes time to heal and move on. I know in my heart that i would never do anything like that again, it crushed me so bad.Lesson learnt the hard way. i do trust him. Neither one of us are friends with those other "friends" anymore. Its just how can i help to ease his mind that i wont do that again? i chose to forgive him and move on I dont dwell on what he did because i love him and want it to work out. But its obvious that i need to do something more for him. He says he wants to stay with me. Tells his friends and even my family that he wants to marry me but then he has his days of doubt which is understandable. please help! and please try to refrain from nasty comments. I already know the mistakes that were made.
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cheated on me, crush, drugs, fell in love, kissing, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): I suggest you both grow up. If he is constantly having doubts then there's nothing you can do. Lay it to him straight. Either he's all for the relationship and you guys work on it maybe go to couples counselling or there is no relationship. Have an ultimatum.
"I appologized from the bottom of my heart and told him i accept what ever consequence comes my way (I deserve it)"
What kind of consequence? If he forgives you then there should be none. Him taking precautions isn't a consequence. Though seeing as he cheated as well he shouldn't make you feel like he's holding it against you. You both are in the wrong here and it seems to me that this relationship need some time to heal. Take a break, talk things through, see a therapist, or just end things, it'll be hard but I'm sure you'll get over it.
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