A
male
age
30-35,
*artyboy123
writes:Hello,My girlfriend is out of town for a few days, but the whole time we have been dating, she has not really shown me that she wants to be with me, she only says she does.Examples:she does not like sharing feelingsi tell her i am going to miss her, she says don't worry i won't be gone long, or - "we'll talk a lot", even though we barely do while shes gone.i ask her if she likes something i did, she says, "doesn't matter"i always text her in the morning, and go and find her at school, and when i don't, she gets mad and makes up an excuse why she couldn't text me or go and find mei always ask her to hangout, and i am always making decisions for stuff we doQuestion:how can i distance myself from her, enough, but not too much, so that she gets the message that i want to feel loved and wanted, and missed... i don't want her to think anything is wrong, i just want her to show me the affection that i am showing her.thanks for your help friends :)
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 April 2011):
Hello again. Just be mindful of how she treats you, and don't accept any crap from her.
Don't let her know you are thinking of her, and DON'T ask her things like how she feels about you or if she likes something you did.
Just kind of cool off a bit, and take a step back from her also.
Then see how it goes from there on in.
The main thing is, I believe she is taking you for granted and that you are always going to be there for her, no matter what.
But make sure you also have a life of your own by going out with your own friends. This lets her know that you are not entirely dependent on her in order to be happy.
Just let her know that you won't miss her (by being unconcerned about her going away), and that you are actually happy about it, and that it doesn't worry you in the slightest.
A
male
reader, Partyboy123 +, writes (26 April 2011):
Partyboy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah, we've been dating for upwards of 4 months now, so I hope this goes ok.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (21 April 2011):
Hello again. You're very welcome. Please let me know how you go or if you need any more help.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123 +, writes (20 April 2011):
Partyboy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
Thanks for the great advice, it totally makes sense...
I will do what you said and see what happens :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (20 April 2011):
Hi there. She seems to be playing hard to get.
She wants you when SHE wants you, then when you try to share your feelings with her, she kind of dismisses it, doesn't she?
Don't text her or try to find her at school during your day. Just don't be too available to her. You could even hide from her if you see her up ahead, thereby making yourself even more unavailable.
This will be a challenge to her. At the moment, you are always there - so it's too easy for her.
If she tries to text you, don't answer it at all. You can read the text if you like - but don't bother answering it.
She needs to be taught a lesson, that she can't go around taking people for granted and being cold and heartless towards them whenever she feels like it. Life just does not work that way. She needs to know that.
Don't say that to her, just do it. Don't bother explaining yourself to her. She can't run your life, only you can do that.
If the tables are turned and she starts texting you and then trying to find you through the day at school, just say - "Hi" - but don't be overly interested in her or anything she says. Do exactly what she does to you. You know what I mean. Be a bit casual, uninterested, and a bit offhand with her generally.
By doing this you are taking control of your own life and what happens, rather than letting her call the shots. You call all the shots from now on.
Be friendly (but not overly), don't tell her how you feel - tell her nothing of the sort. Just act like a casual friend, not like a boyfriend. I think that's where you might be going wrong.
When you do this, you are being respectful but without being unfriendly or aggressive.
Eventually she will get the idea, I'm sure.
Just don't let her run your life, the way she seems to be doing at the moment.
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