A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are recently married. He has adult children and 5 grandchildren. I have none. We have a joint bank account into which both of our paychecks are direct deposited.Unfortunately, both of us are spenders. I buy clothes, etc, because I work with the public and have to look the best I can. He buys electronic equipment for himself and anything he sees for his kids and grandkids. We are also still paying for one of our autos and our house along with the other monthly bills. He has been laid off temporarily and his paycheck has not been as much as usual. His spending habits are just the same.We spent over a thousand dollars on his kids' and grandkids' Christmas, two of the grandkids' birthdays are in January so we spent about $100 on them and of course, we had to buy for the other granddaughter who wasn't having a birthday so her feelings wouldn't be hurt. He also had a new grandbaby born last week and we got flowers for the new mama that cost around $50 and we had already spent over $100 on a baby gift.If we were made of money and the economy were better, I wouldn't mind this at all. I'm not stingy. But he has started picking at things I buy. If I slip on a blouse he hasn't seen, instead of saying, "that looks nice", he says, "when did you get that?" I ordered some food from a specialty place and he complained and complained about the cost, which actually wasn't that bad, because I had a $10 off coupon. I'm a soda addict and we were looking at grocery ads last night. My brand of soda was on sale for $3.00 a twelve pack. The catch was that you had to buy 10 of them. He complained about that being $30 worth of soda. I told him to forget it, I'd drink water. He never said another word and did not insist we go ahead and get it, which he usually does.I know that birthdays, Christmas, and new babies are special events, but we have to live day to day and I don't think he should be nit picking about my spending when he spends so much, himself. These are not isolated incidents, he spends on them year round. He is a good guy with a big heart and a generous spirit, but lately, he's gotten very money concious except when it comes to his children and grandchildren. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things for and buying things for your children, but I feel he has his priorities a little mixed up. How do I discuss this with him without starting an argument? He's very defensive about his kids and I don't want to make that the big issue about all this.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (20 April 2009):
Unfortunately you are just going to have to sit down and tell him that you want to open separate bank accounts.
Your pay goes into your own account, some is automatically transferred into the joint account to cover bills (an equal amount from both of you I mean) and then the rest of your paycheck is your own.
He can spend his entire paycheck on his kids if he wants and you can buy nothing but gucchi shoes and cats... or what ever.
But you know the bills are covered and the rent is paid.
As for birthdays and Christmas then you can discuss a budget for each child and grandchild ahead of time so you spend an equal amount on each one. Put some extra cash into the joint account each month and then you can spend it all at Christmas. There will be a lot of you have had a good year and not so much if cash is tight.
Good Luck!! xx
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