A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy on and off last year but we remained friends. The basic reason why we broke up was 1. Lack of communication and 2. I wasn't sure that he was over his ex.Recently, he said that he misses me. I said the same, and so we started hanging out more often. We have been flirting, we cuddle and I've slept in his bed over the past month or so... but i haven't kissed him or anything more.I would be interested in exploring a relationship with him again, but id want to know that we are both interested and ready. Basically, i don't want him to want me only out of convenience or something like that. I want to fully trust him. So, how do i begin a conversation about all of this? How can i determine whether he wants what i want? We are both in our mid-20s but i have little experience, so any help is great. Thank you.
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (4 December 2015):
 Well does he communicate more and better now? Does he still keep in touch with his ex? That will be a start...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): Here's a male's perspective. Convenient and available sex is nearly always a great option. However; you have to look for the chemistry beyond that.
Date. Go out and plan things together. Be romantic, then part at the end of a date. Don't drivel all over him with daily texting and expecting constant feedback to reassure you. Make him earn your trust. Don't always be available. Let him miss you. We cherish the most what we get little of.
Without going into long diatribes, let him know what you're looking for and hoping for. Many women tend to go overboard and layout the future. Men run scared from that. Trust me!
Continue cuddling, exchanging affection, but delay on sex. Find out if there is any emotional attachment. Sexual attraction isn't a good gauge of someone's feelings for you. You can be sexually-attracted to someone you hate.
Time will tell.
Be patient. Have fun in romantic places, to set the mood.
Not just to turn-up the heat. You can be the one to choose the atmosphere and location. I don't know why people don't use their imaginations anymore. Make him put his phone away when he's with you. Demand attention on a date.
If a guy won't take you out, he's either broke, cheap, or unimaginative. What's dating without romance? Just lying around cuddling is boring, and it's just a prelude to sex.
Once sex is done, then what? Stay out of his bed.
Most importantly; don't let your feelings get ahead of his.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 December 2015):
 The old fashioned way, which has been tried and tested over centuries. Take your time and take sex off the table. Get to know him for HIM and allow him to do the same with you. That way you KNOW your association isn't based on sex.
Go out and do interesting things instead of hanging out at each other's homes. Being alone makes physical intimacy more likely and harder to decline.
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