A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't like his voice, i suggested if he let me hear his voice i would give him my number so we spoke on the phone and there wasn't anything wrong with it. After speaking online a bit he told me that he wants me bad and that just looking at me turns him on. I really don't know how to react to this and i wonder if he just wants one thing from me, as we rarely talk about anything else but his desire. When I ask about his job or how his day is he just replies it was okay or tiering then says I really want to see you, I want you so bad! I'm not looking to be someones visual stimulation. Should I tell him this and see how he reacts or just try and ignore his lusty comments. I don't have many friends so i was hoping for friendship with this guy as-well as perhaps more but he doesn't seem to take an interest in anything but sex. I'm not sure how to handle it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): He's a predatory scumbag. Toss him back to the gutter he slithered out of.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 older than dirt: I don't believe the OP has zero interest in sex.......of course good sex needs to be part of any serious relationship......what she's objecting to is that this seems to be his sole focus.
OP: he may not be a sexual predator, but if he keeps on returning to the topic of how much he wants to have sex with you and refuses point-blank to talk about anything else, then by not cutting off contact with him, he will just keep on and on because he'll think you'll eventually give in to him.
It's not cruel to delete his phone number, etc.! Au contraire, it's inconsiderate of him to insist on pushing sex when he knows your feelings about it. He is not showing you any respect. While it's flattering to realize a man finds you sexually attractive, quite frankly it's also tedious when it's clear he doesn't have the least bit interest in getting to know you as a person, but only getting into bed with you.
The fact that he apologizes and says "I can't help it" is BS. If he really valued you for who you are, he COULD help it! He's playing with you and has absolutely no intention of developing a friendship........
I beg you, pay attention to what So Very Confused and Tisha-1 have said. Their advice is right on target!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): you are wanting friendship, maybe a relationship and later sex. he just wants sex. you said you aren't happy with that being all. Isn't that your answer? it's not going to work if you both want different things and both have a different idea about what you want out of this association. I would be very careful about someone who makes up excuses not to talk on the phone, and always steers the conversation towards sex, and won't give out personal information to someone he wants to sleep with.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Don't feel too sorry for him. He's pretty focused on sex and doesn't spend too much time getting to know you otherwise, so that's an extremely clear signal that's what he's there for. Just let things die down; you don't have to explain anything, just quietly move on. There are guys out there who will want to get to know you; you just haven't found one yet.
"its cruel to cut off contact in my eyes ,so I won't delete his details that could hurt him and that is not my aim"
It's also rude and rather cruel to push sex talk on a young girl who is actually more interested in getting to know a guy.
He's not looking for a friend. You are. He's looking for sexual stuff, and nothing else. You're looking for a romance. You two are not compatible at all, sorry.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2011):
 "He makes me feel sorry for him."
of course he does... that's his point.... he figures eventually you will give in to his demands. he's playing you... if you tell him NO and he says sorry but keeps going back to what HE wants he's NOT respecting you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I will keep them all in mind. He is in no way a predator in my eyes, he just seems to have a high libido. I also feel he is lonely as he said he hasn't had a girlfriend in 2 years we are around the same age so I want to be there for him in a way. its cruel to cut off contact in my eyes ,so I won't delete his details that could hurt him and that is not my aim. When i react negatively to his suggestive comments he apologises and says he cant help himself. He makes me feel sorry for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): He sounds like a sexual predator and he's probably talking the same way to numerous women.
Delete him!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 The short answer is yes, tell him EXACTLY how you feel about se. otherwise he will be Very confused when it comes time to make a move.Don't continue to lead him on.trust me it hurts a lot to find out that the one you want to invest your life with has zero interest in sex.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (14 August 2011):
 Just delete his details and don't contact anymore. He is not suitable for you. There are a lots of other people on those sites to communicate. Just delete. Problem solved.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 August 2011):
I had a match a couple years ago and we did communicate by webcam and IM (he would not talk on the phone). He made it clear very quickly that his sole interest was in sex. After numerous attempts to steer the "conversation" in another direction, and outright telling him that I would want more to any friendship (his response was to return to his obsession every time) I ended communication with him (we didn't meet in person, he lived in Alberta - a long way from here).
I recommend you end it with this man. You have made your views clear to him, and he ignores it. I'm betting that he will refuse to be budged from his sexual interest, no matter what. Why waste any more time?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 There are young guys who wants friendship. A good dating site has a few different categories you can choose from: friends, hang out, dating, relationship, and intimate encounter. You have to be aware that some people have different accounts, people misrepresent themselves so they have maximum chances of scoring. When you see that this guy is not what you want, you look for another one. You can even exit a chat site when you don't like the guy. "Bye, have to go." "Need to sleep now." "gtg, brb." if you don't want to be rude. Dealing online allows you to disappear without responsibilities. You have to disconnect with several people before you can click with the right guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2011):
you should tell him that you do not and will not discuss sexual things with him and then stick to that so that when he goes back to it (and he will because i'm betting that is all he wants) end the conversation till the next time.he will either learn and have other conversations with you or disappear (more than likely what will happen since online is so easy to be rude and not yourself)be prepared for him to be gone when you make it clear he is only in it for whatever sexual gratification he can get
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