A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my best friend and don't know what to do. We first met about 2 years ago and ever since have been the best friends. I had always fancied her but had never taken it any further for fear of it affecting our friendship. The previous few months we had been spending extra time together for no particular reason and grew closer on a different level. One night we were both out and she was quite tipsy we were sat talking and we kissed and she told me she loved me. We talked about things between us and decided we should try dating. She had always told me she had a fear of commitment and this was a huge step for her. Over the next few days we carried on as normal only slightly more intimate. I was the happiest man alive as I'd been thinking of this for over a year. About a week later we were chatting and she didn't seem like herself. We talked some more and she told me she didn't want to be in a committed relationship right now and it wasn't fair on me to do this. I supported her feelings all the way even though I was dying inside. We decided that we would just continue to be best friends. Things have changed a bit though, we have went from seeing each other every day to at most twice a week and it hurts. About two weeks later we met each other on a night out and again kissed and flirted all night, but again she apologised and said it wasn't fair on me. A month on from this our friendship is almost back to normal but not quite. I love hanging out with her but it hurts deep down knowing what could have been. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks S
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 April 2015):
 If I were you, I would STEP BACK from this. She likes you, but she either can't HANDLE a relationship or don't WANT one.
Every time you two get drunk together she "steals" little snippets of what she KNOWS you want, because she ENJOYS the IDEA of having a loving BF (at least for a few minutes while kissing and making out) BUT... she doesn't WANT one. I don't think she is doing this to be mean or cruel, but it's NOT help either of you.
So for your OWN sanity, I'd tell her that you feel a NEED to pull a way a while - that means NO hanging out, no texting or calling. hang out with other friends, met new people, catch up on family, hobbies, chores... To keep yourself busy.
WHEN you have come to a point where you CAN see her as JUST a friend you can reach out to her. And she might be OK with that. JUST talk to her.
Sometimes we fall in love with people who can't/won't reciprocate - and it SUCKS. It's part of life unfortunately. We live and love and learn.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (17 April 2015):
 You haven't lost anything because she did not leave you for some other guy. Since she is not dating others and she does not want a committed relationship then simply stay put: revert to friendship mode. It is clear to her how you feel, and somewhat to you how she feels.
Could be bunch of reasons why she doesn't want a committed relationship. I suspect she may want to avoid sex which is assumed to be part of such relationship but could be other stuff.
Anyway, don't hurt so much because you haven't lost her. Stay as is and keep going with friendship.
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A
female
reader, AlisaVali +, writes (16 April 2015):
I think she does have feelings for you, but she's controlling her feelings not to go 'too far'. All you need to do is to wait, don't be in a hurry to be in a relationship with her. If she told you that she only want to you as a 'best friend', avoid kissing her or approaching her too much. Me, as a girl, I would flirt with a guy I like and maybe tell him I like him as a friend, meanwhile I honestly like him more than a best friend or a friend. The reason why girls do this is to test tou, either you will approach her more and to get your attention,(basically acting hard to get) or maybe she's honestly not interested on you (she likes you only as a friend), or its just not the right time for her to be in a relationship with you . But from what I've read, I can see that she's playing hard to get, and the reason why she's doing this is that she's trying to figure out if you're going to approach her more or just move on? If she didn't like you, she wouldn't even flirt or kiss you, unless she's just playing on you. What you really have to do is just to treat her in general as a friend, and not to give or show too much feelings or go further with flirting, keep doing this for the next few weeks, and then you can just try to ask her on a date, or maybe ask her if she does like you. Look her in the eyes, and you can actually tell if she doeslike you or not when you ask her. Trust me. Good luck
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