A
female
age
30-35,
*eeyouatthecrossroads
writes:Hi! I have this guy who is 13 years away from me and I’m really finding it hard to cope with our age differences. I will only be turning 16 while he’s at his 29th this May. This’ll be kinda long and I hope somebody out there can find time to help me. I’m not used to having friends to hang out with. Instead, I always wanted to stay at home and devote my time phoning him this summer, or on schooldays, focus on my studies. Oftentimes, he does the same thing too, like he wants to spare a lot of his time for me. Well, I think I’d need to be glad enough with that but it just gets annoying every time he talks about his experiences with old college friends (most of them were girls) to their recently planned reunions and everything in between! Somehow, I know I should understand him and shouldn’t let it get into my veins. All I was able to do is to listen, pretend to be fine and fake myself to be happy for him as if it doesn’t affect me at all. It gets harder when I can see their reunion photos and realize how damn close and SWEET they are until now. What I’m feeling right now has consistent jealousy, insecurity, pain and blame-blame on why on earth I wasn't born on his time. Despite all this, I still preferred to keep it to myself because I want to believe that it’s me who’s having a problem, and…I don’t know how I would confront him regarding this issue. Sometimes, I just ease myself by looking on the bright side that I’ll soon have the same experiences to tell him someday so he can also suffer from everything I’m taking during these times.I think that’s the only problem ‘coz we always agree when it comes to other things. I tried to come along with this one but the situation that just happened ruined my patience.One late morning I woke up for the second time without even just a single text from him and later had him on the line saying that he will be going to visit a female college friend who was sick. I was so hurt and wanted to burst in anger not in the fact that he’s going to see them again, but the fact that I was in sickness too. I’m aware of the impossibility that he can’t be with me; watch me and moreover-we can’t have some special treatment to each in public (like what he used to have for his friends), for we must refrain from meeting because we’re in a common institute where I’m a student and he’s an educator. In short, it’s too risky in his side, and we’re so forbidden. But can’t he consider staying home and phone with his girlfriend? Or at least comfort me even just for a while before leaving? Well, he’s still nice that right after, he felt through the tune of my voice on phone that I was not ok, but I’m not quite sure that he knows the exact reason. So, he sent me a message saying: “I know that plenty of time must have passed to get there. There are times that you will be tested on your way to come along. I know it will be complicated all throughout the travel. But you know that I have been waiting. Hoping at the end of the place we will be as one. Whatever it sounds…whatever it takes…please…BE THERE. ?”Earlier than that, there had been a time when we had the chance to meet and so I invited him out for a simple snack but he told me he can’t come for he’ll be having his tutor task scheduled for the next day. We argued about it but I just tried to believe even though I have doubts in my mind if there really is a tutor thing…in the near beginning of vacation. He explained that it’ll just be a little workbook stuff for his tutee’s final requirement in Math and it made me less-doubtful. When tomorrow came I discovered that he was just with his old friends’ company and he told me that his tutoring was re-scheduled by his tutee’s mom. I asked him what he was doing with them and he informed me that it’s his friend’s church anniversary and he’d already made a promise to their pastor before that he would help out. I felt like hell but I tried to hide it and tend to go alone. I don’t know but after an hour when he knew that I went out alone he told me to wait in a certain place and said he’ll be there. I had thought that maybe he just felt guilty. And yet I’d have to feel lucky for that ‘coz he had managed to leave them to come and so we had our snack together.However, I still appreciate what he told me in his message and I always see his sincerity somewhere in his deeds but there’s something within me that consoles me to just end it up for now. I love him so much but it is the PAIN, pain caused by differences in age priorities, too much pain I’ve been receiving along in the wrong time, and it already kills me. ;-( What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, seeyouatthecrossroads +, writes (6 May 2010):
seeyouatthecrossroads is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, but it's not the conflict. It's about his friends.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Ask your parents, ask another teacher, or ask another adult who know you and him. Your issue will be resolved safely.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 So let's see - you are an underage 15 years old student and he's 28 y.o. educator in your school. He is supposed to educate you, not to court you secretly or to seduce you. I don't know what you should do- but I know what the headmaster of this school should do - kick him out of the school right away before he does any more damage.
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