A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriends past bothers me alot.I know so much about her past and I always get these images that pop into my head of her doing things with other guys and its all I think about.Just looking at her kills me sometimes.The one time that has really been bothering me the most is when she was with my bestfriend.She was only with him for like 1 week because she had already started liking me the second week but the first week she had let herself get things done to while I was in the fucking car with them.I was angry at my bestfriend at the time but I forgot about it.Another time was when I was at her house and they were both under a blanket in the living room and she was letting him finger her right the fuck in front of me.Another time was at a park were again they were in a blanket doing things so I walked away. She said she felt bad so they stopped.They also fucked in a bathroom while I was in the same house at a small get together. and again they took off in a car and when she got back she was like "wow I get hungry after"And now that I think about it she said she had liked me but allowed these things to happen to me. Bassically right in front of me and bothers me so much.How can I deal with this
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 This is commonly called retroactive jealousy. And it's a common 'condition', it happens to A LOT of guys. Since it comes up here so often, I'll point you to a few previous questions, hope they help:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-cope-with-my-husbands-reaction.html
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2009):
 As I said, focus on love and not the other. Jealousy can be a destroyer of relationships. When knowing about someone's past, you feel as if you would have wanted to be the one those experiences were shared with. Most of us get that feeling now and then. That's because you are emotionally vested in your relationship.
She was your first. Let me ask you this. Would you rather be your friend, short week or so with her, or where you are now, in love and she's yours?
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A
female
reader, hollistergirl2010 +, writes (29 September 2009):
alright.. hun you cannot let her past affect you and her in the present. I know sometimes it will be hard but look..I was with this guy for about 2 years and ended up liking his best friend down the line...granted me and my ex had done things in front of his best friend..with me knowing his best friend liked me..i NEVER thought him and I would have gotten together. Maybe she wasn't feeling you too much at the time..sometimes people just get carried away in the moment or she may have been trying to make you jealous. Just move on from the past and give her a break.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Female amon on the 29th, there ARE that many guys out there. You need to stop condemning them as freaks and start realizing that IT IS NORMAL for lots of people to feel this way. Logic has no role in it, it's trying to fight emotional problems. Just like when you're attracted to someone who is bad for you. You might logically know you should leave them and logically not want to be hurt about it, but the emotional hurt won't just go away because you want it to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow that I really think about it Ive realized that ive jealous of her first. Im jealous of all the people before me that were with her.
I just wish that I would have been her first. She was my first and I will always love her no matter what...
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A
female
reader, chynasome +, writes (29 September 2009):
 You have to let go of the past so you can move on to your future.
If not then you need to break up if you cant get over this.
Chyna
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): How many times are we going to have to read this question ver and over? Are you the same person writing the question and asking every other day? Or are there really that many gusy out there who can't deal with their girlfriends having had sexual partners before them?? Thats pathetic.
Listen dude, grow up! She's got a sexual past, and dont you pretend to be a saint yourself. If you can't deal with it why are you with her in the first place. Anf if you really expect a girl no never have been with a man before you I suggest you don't have sex with anyone either, anything else would just be hypocrisy.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2009):
If she disgusts you, why are you with her? How do you feel about her? Are you happy she's you're girlfriend?
You understand that what you focus on expands. This image attack is referred to as mental masturbation. If you want to keep her and want to be with her ultimately, you'll need to begin focusing on your relationship and not what's happened in the past. I do agree it was wrong for the to do everything in your presence, but if you want her, you'll do what it takes to focus on that and not the other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention...
After she did my friend in the bathroom and he left she asked me to go to the bathroom with her. After she used the restroom she asked me to help me pull her pants up and we kissed...
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