A
female
age
41-50,
*lysin
writes:I have a huge problem. Well, it's huge to me. Me and my son's father aren't together anymore. I found this site on my search to find out why women keep going back to the same man. Insecurity, doubt, fear... whatever. Endless...I cut all ties with him a few months ago, but the more I see my son growing, I didn't want him to grow up without a father. I think that my son could on day blame me because I had to do what I had to do. I don't want this to backfire on me with my son. So, I decided to talk to his sister and he and I eventually spoke, but...It's the same story all over again. "I love you", "I miss you", "I want to marry you". yada-yada...And, God knows why, but I still love this guy. After he's walked out on me and our son, TWICE, cheated on me, TWICE (once while I was pregnant, once after the baby was born), and I still love him. I have this ridiculous idea that one day we are MAGICALLY going to have this happy family with the big house, the picket fence, the dog in the back yard, and a minivan in the driveway. I do fine, and get over everything and move on, as long as I don't talk to him. But you can't raise a baby with the parents not talking to each other. One day my son is going to catch on. My biggest fear is that my son will hate ME for what happens (or DOESN'T happen) between him and his father. I cannot handle this back and forth emotional roller coaster anymore. I need to make a final decision, but I can't make it alone, and my friends and family have to much of a bias on this end. I need a third party. How can I cut ties with a man that I share a child with? Please help. (huh, that should have been my screen name: PLEASE HELP!) Thank you in advance for your time and efforts. :)
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female
reader, ctds001  +, writes (17 June 2010):
Hi honey
You can try what I have done.
My dad arranges the Day and Time my Ex will see my 4 month old baby. I then arrive 30 mins before the time with the baby and leave her with my dad. My Ex collects her and then returns her at the agreed time. I then arrive 30 mins after the return time.
This way I have no contact with my Ex, but the baby sees her Father every week.
Is there someone who could help you out with this types of arrangement.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): You cant cut ties with someone who you were willing to create a child with. He deserves to be in his childs life, not neccessarily yours. Your son would probably resent u more if you blocked him having a relationship with his father.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): The only reason you want to cut ties with him is because you have unfinished emotional business with him? Is he abusive, have a drug problem or criminal record? Does he want to be in his child's life?
It isn't fair to your child or to the father to cut all ties with him unless he is willing to legally give up all parental rights which means you can never collect child support from him.
A kid needs two parents, and your child has a right to know his father. I suggest you get some counseling first on your own to try to learn how to deal with your conflicted feelings, and even together with him to try and finish your emotional business and to move on.
Your child deserves to have parents who live in peace with each other...
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