A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Due to divorce and a very dysfunctional and toxic family of my own I find myself quite isolated. I am currently having counselling and have decided to go very low contact with my parents and no contact with my sister who have continually bullied me and held me back - well into my adult life leaving me with very low self esteem. However my situation even now is not, in my opinion, a healthy one going forward.I am a single woman with no children in my 40's and although I have a few friends I would say that only one or two are 'close'. I really want to build a strong support network. I read an article about how people can reach out and find mother figures or sister equivalents - forming a bond with people who are not family members. This sounds like an inviting prospect but I have no idea how to start looking (if that is the right expression). It is hard to make friends at my age (people have children and are married and therefore busy)let alone build those deeper relationships. I don't want to come across as needy and a bit 'weird' to people.I guess I would like to re-create a family feeling amongst friends of different ages - to replace the ones that are (and always have been) missing in my life. Does anyone have any advice or experience on this - how can I be proactive?
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bullied, divorce, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (19 September 2015):
Hi,
I'm sorry I'm a bit late with my reply. My surrogate family is my amateur theatre company. And I guess any similar kind of hobby group could serve the same purpose (such as a choir, church groups, photography clubs, walking and rambling clubs, etc)
My theatre company has lots of members ranging from children to people in their 80's and it appeals to people of both genders. And we all have at least one thing in common!
So try joining some hobby groups that appeal to you (and the type of people you'd like to meet)
Just bear in mind that it takes time to forge strong friendships so don't expect to have an "instant family". I think I was a member for 3 or 4 years until I built lasting relationships.
You'll also have to be prepared to "get stuck in" and become actively involved and not be a wall-flower. It takes longer to get to know people if you just hang around in the background waiting for people to approach you.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2015): Slippers is right, however hard it is sometimes you need to distance yourself from the toxic people in your life and try and find new friends.
I can relate to you when you say how hard it is to make friends when you get into your forties especially if you are not brimming with self confidence. Real true friends are hard to come by and I have very few friends too that I would call 'close'. Friends I could really count on.
There is no easy answer to how you find them but you have made the first step by coming on here. There are lots of friendly people that would be happy to chat and give you advice.
That includes me so feel free to send me a message if you would like to do so.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (17 September 2015):
I think sometimes we need to remove ourselves from people, no matter if they are family or friends . We do not need toxic people in our life's .. I can relate to you not that my mother was toxic . But I was very close to my sister who changed over night and it certainly blew the wind out my sails ..
I can understand about wanting a unit of your own and yes friends can sometime be as close as sisters I can agree with that lol . If you want to post to me I would be happy to chat as I am sure lots of aunts and uncles would .
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