A
female
age
30-35,
*rigger18
writes:Im having trust issues with my boyfriend. i know he loves me because of the things that friends tell me and how we are together. however i cant seem to stop myself from thinking he might cheat on me. he reassures me all the time but for some reason i cannot get it out my head that he mite. i feel that one day it could lead us to breaking up if i dnt stop thinking. he tells me to relax but i cant. hes the best thing that happened to me but im afraid that if i keep thinking he mite then i cud lose him. it maybe due to past relationships and my boyfriend has been supportive. i cudnt have been with a better boyfriend because he is so caring and treats me well but the whole cheating thing comes up in my mind wenever he goes to work or out and about with his friends. im not one to stop him from doing his own thing but its tearing me apart feeling this way wen i know i shudnt be. how can i stop myself from thinking that hell cheat on me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, trigger18 +, writes (15 October 2009):
trigger18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou guys for being so honest with me. like some of u sed it is a hard fact to listen to if i dnt change but i have taken ur advice on board and have already in a short space of time seen some of the good effects. ur advice has been so helpful and im gratefull that u have finally given me the kick up the backside that i needed. once again thank you x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): i sort of agree with the first answer, i just got out of an 8 month relationship with a girl who was abused in her past and cheated on many times. i was totally there for her for those 8 months and everytime we were together she would either complain or cry about something in her past or just start a stupid fight with me about something she was blowing way out of proportion. i worked so very hard to make her feel comfortable and secure in our relationship and yet she always questioned and fought with me and it always made me feel like nothing i could ever do would be good enough for her or help her. eventually after a straight month of just fighting i just broke it off, and it totally sucked because i was still in love with her but i just couldnt be stuck in such a depressing, volatile situation, honestly i would liken it to being in a verbally abusive relationship when someone doesn't trust you and attacks/fights with you all the time about it. my advice is to get some help from a professional, seriously. if you want this relationship to last and have plans for the future you need to get help to solve your issues with insecurity and cheating, if you don't he will leave you i guarantee it, its a cold fact and im sorry to say it like that but after being in this guys shoes i know exactly how he's feeling.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 You need to stop right there and think. He cares a lot about you. You're being too clingy, and, you're being far too possessive. He knows this.
Here's the thing. If you keep thinking he's going to cheat on you, and you keep acting like he's going to cheat on you; he's either going to end up not being able to take this anymore and leaving you -- or he's going to cheat on you and simply not tell you at all.
Its a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently you've had trust issues with past boyfriends. He doesn't have any interest in anyone else. But you keep telling him he's going to do something that he has no intention of doing. But if you keep "accusing" him of this, he's going to start thinking that NOTHING he can do will ever earn your trust.
If you don't trust him how's he ever going to be able to love you, or you love him?
You need to overcome this fear, and start focusing on him as a person. Start asking him to open up to you; try opening yourself up to him. Try making those close, emotional connections between the two of you so that as a couple you can actually enjoy your relationship and thrive on it.
If not, you're never going to achieve the level of happiness and intimacy necessary to keep your relationship going. And if you fail here, the relationship will eventually fail in the future.
End game here: lose the insecurity, ditch the lack of trust. Start trusting him and start letting him get closer to you emotionally and vice versa.
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A
male
reader, Koltrane +, writes (13 October 2009):
Well first of all don't stalk him or pressure him all the time. But maybe you could get to know his friends and see if they are the type that would let him. I cheated on a gf once during truth or dare (I really regret it) and if it wasn't for my friends egging me on. I never would have done it. And if you do this, be very careful, take it slow and don't ever hit on any of his friends because it could backfire.
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