| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am a married man and have always wanted my wife to have fum with other men. She see's it as cheating and is not sure. I have told her I would love her to tell me the things seh gets up to with other men whilst we have sex.I also like the idea of her seving another man as a slave and she does say the idea of being dominated does interest her.My question is :- Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this subject and convinve my wife I really want this to happen?
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male
reader, postalmayhem  +, writes (16 June 2011):
Ahhh I had the same problem but I just let her know that it would not bother me at all. I let her pick the person it was an old boyfriend from her past. It has oppened up a lot of new roads for us. She curently has two men besides myself that she spend time with. As a matter of fact she is off to Santa Barbara next wekend with one. The only thing I ask of her is full details of the entire event. She is so much more open about her sexual needs and wants now and will give in to them now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): It all depends omn how strong the relation is and what phase you both are in this relationship - kids, careerswitch, mortgage, etc. all these things matter, since you want to go for powerplay with others. Make sure everything else is ok in your relationship.
Next, the best way to go about is to play some BD - is NOT SM! - games with eachother. Start off by being the Top and she the bottom. That way she can tell if she'd like being dominated sexually. For her it's safe, cause she's familiar with the Dominator. Try to find out if she likes being humiliated, being dominated, tied up, etc, etc. Don't overdo it. Next game she's the Top and you'll be submissive.
Try to find out if she likes to humiliate you, the feeling of power over you or in general. Also be sure to check what you like!!! Now this is important! If she likes humiliating you, it is easier to help her getting ready for the play you want. But you must like that too, because one of the most intense humiliations is to be cuckolded (if you don't know what that is search Google). And it takes three: a husband, a wife and her lover.
If she likes to dominate and humiliate you and if she is willing to endure submissiveness to intensify your humiliation.... You get exactly what you ask for.
Be careful, make sure you both read some more about this and be 100% truthfull to eachother. A contract between eachother about this is not luxury! Make sure you both stick to your agreements. A stop-word is comforting to use for the both of you.
Last, both of you must be sure you love eachother enough to be able to accept the hurt. Because the more you love her, the more you (can) allow her to hurt you.
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (28 March 2008):
Hi
without getting the other writer off side what your are looking at doing is somthing you both have to agree to and could distroy what you have had.
many men have the same thoughts and a few go throught with it. in our case it came about over years of being together and wanting to try new things.
everyone is diferrent and we have friend who have split up over doing this.
good luck
message if you want to discuss futher
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Soory...just a correction here. Take note.
Change
"No man who loves his wife in the truest form, would recognize her doubt, her uncertainties and end this, immediately."
to
"A man who loves his wife in the truest form, would recognize her doubt, her uncertainties and end this, immediately."
Thank you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): We get a lot of men coming on this site, asking us very similar questions such as yours. We even get men who cite and make large blustery claims that their wife's relunctant agreement to have sex with other men only to satisfy his fetish, is an act of pure love just for him. In her mind, she may feel she has to do this, perhaps through her own lack of confidence, strength and inability to simply say...no to you. But this certainly has nothing to do with love. No man who loves his wife in the truest form, would recognize her doubt, her uncertainties. and end this, immediately. But not you? You are asking us to help you find the words that will manipulate her into doing something, that she doesn't want to do. It is a huge part of a woman's nature to 'not' want to do this sort of thing, however there are some rare women who might enjoy this. However, your wife is not one of those women. So when a man wants the 'advice' from us Aunties, to convince his wife, it's so clear he wants to manipulate and coerce her to doing an act, she is hesitiant about. So you sir, are indeed, inflicting a form of a self-involved control and abuse on her, based only on your sexual compulsion/fetish/obsession (whatever you want to call it) It is highly selfish and unloving to ask her to allow herself to be used in a way that "only satisfies you". I feel badly for your wife. She is likely confused and weakened by all this. She needs to kick your ass to the curb for even suggesting such a thing. You are a manipulative man who uses women like cattle and you were very sly. You waited until your wife was deeply emotionally invested in you before you finally started acting like your true self. How sad for her.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Absolutely not. These are your sexual fantasies, and your wife clearly isn't interested at all in fulfilling them - and I'm not surprised! Why should she have to humiliate herself, and have sex with other men (who she doesn't know and doesn't want to have sex with???). What your asking is tantamount to how can we help you persuade her to be raped.
I'm sorry for her. And you should contain your fantasies to your head. Don't try to force your wife to do this. It really isn't fair.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Damn you're lucky you're still a married man.... maybe not. She's not. If this means so much to you despite the fact that she's put off by it you need to reassess what this marriage means to you. Which is more important, her or your fantasy?
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Maybe it's your fantasy, and not hers? What did she say to you about the 'slave' idea?
Being 'dominated' by you during consensual sex and being another man's slave are two different things....
I don't know of any way to convince someone to do something they really don't want to do, sorry.
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