A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey cupids, anyone got any advice for a girl who’s really smitten with this guy? I know he likes me too but thanks to the antics of his last girlfriend he is struggling to trust anyone because she tried to rip him off. How can I convince him that I just want him and not his money?His Dad ran a successful security company which he was due to take over the reins of eventually but found himself inheriting the whole business after his Dad sadly died two years ago. As you can imagine it made him quite a wealthy person at just 21 years old. He did turn into a bit of a show off (hardly surprising when he had 2 Porsches to drive around in). And of course it made him a target for gold diggers. His last girlfriend though wasn’t just some dumb bimbo who threw herself at him and spread her legs. She was a really devious cow who tried not only to trick him into getting her pregnant but also plotted to steal hundreds of thousands of pounds from him.She was literally poking holes in Condoms, obviously trying to have his kid so he could be her meal ticket for life, but he caught her out and bizarrely forgave her. However, then she nearly tricked him into investing about £450k into a fake company with one of her friends who pretended to be a successful businessman. He said he was about 2 clicks of a mouse away from transferring the money before realising he was being conned. Apparently she’d already fled to Dubai with her friend ready to splash the cash when he transferred it. Thankfully they didn’t get away with it, though our soft justice system in the UK let them both off with suspended prison sentences, which was a complete joke.I can tell it really shook him and he even contemplated selling his business because he felt completely out of his depth. It would’ve been really sad not to continue something his Dad worked so hard to build but in the end he thankfully decided to carry on, albeit selling a stake to a more experienced (and legitimate) businessman to help him run it. But despite this he now understandably struggles to trust anyone, even people he knows properly.We met in college about 7 years ago and have been friends ever since, though I’ve always fancied him deep down. We go out all the time with a load of other friends and yes, he’s taken me for a spin in his Porsche many a time. We kissed in a club once a few years ago, though it never led to anything more. Even though I’ve had relationships in the past, whenever I’ve been single I’ve always kind of kept myself waiting in the wings for him. Even though we’d kissed before he never really knew just how much I liked him. So last week whilst we were at a bar together and I finally told him and I was shocked when he admitted he really like me too.BUT…He said he wasn’t ready for another relationship yet. In fact he went as far as to say women were the last thing on his mind because of what his last girlfriend did. In fact he said most girls he’s been out with were more interested in his money than him. Was I kept well and truly in the friend zone? Sounded like it. I did feel quite embarrassed and spent a ridiculous amount of time cringing inside afterwards, but I could at least appreciate he was just being honest and that he didn’t lead me on or just use me for a one night stand. It shows how lovely he is.Though to be fair saying that, every time I see him now I just want to rip my clothes off in front of him and tell him to take me to bed. Of course I’d never do something like that but it shows how strong my feelings are. Dare I say it; I’m head over heels in love with him. He’s just everything I could ever want in a man. He’s kind, sweet, caring, and funny (and soooooooo FIT of course!). We have tons in common and can honestly talk and talk for hours about anything. And that’s all I care about. His money literally means nothing to me. He could be homeless without a penny to his name and I’d still feel the same. People may think I’m naïve for using the L-word but when you’ve known someone for this long and properly gotten to know them inside and out as a friend then I believe you can say its love. Most of the time the most loving and meaningful relationships tend to blossom from friendship.But do I have any hope with him? Is it just a case of being patient? I’m willing to wait, but for my own sanity I won’t wait forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2021): You are naive for using the L word! And you do not have loads in common with him - and much of why you find him so fascinating is his money, but you cannot see that, you are also wanting him because he is pushing you away and the more he pushes you away the more you become determined to catch your prize and change his mind. If he were poor and eager you would not be so keen. One thing about him is that he inherited it, his dad was the hard working smart one not him. He may be as lazy and stupid as any men who have no money at all. So perhaps you have those things in common. He got lucky and you did not, none of his money was due to his own efforts and abilities. He could blow the lot. Like those lottery winners with no brains. Lots of young guys dont want a relationship, not at that age, so what, it is up to him. If you love him you would respect his decision not try to change his mind because it suits you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2021): Bless you! I can understand how frustrating it must be when you put all your cards on the table and don't get what you want. Still I have to say OP I admire you for telling him how much you LIKE him. I believe you when you say you are in love, however I don't think it's wise to let him know this as well. And you are right, the best romances do very often blossom from friendship. However I can also understand his point of view. He's been betrayed and has trust issues. When one of my exes cheated on me I honestly hated the male species for the best part of a year and a half.
Now of course I'm not saying it will take him that long to put himself back out there, hopefully it'll happen sooner rather than later. But if YOU feel he's worth it then yes, I would advise being patient for just a little bit longer. Maybe give it until the end of the year. You've left the ball in his court and planted that seed in his head. You've done your bit and now it's all down to him. Whatever happens you can hold your head up high and say that even if you don't get the result you want in the end, at the very least you told him how you felt and can have no regrets.
But like you said, don't put yourself on hold forever for him. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2021): Only he knows when he's ready for romance, and who it'll be with. It's hard to suggest to anybody coming to DC, asking for advice; to listen carefully when people tell you they're not looking, or ready, for a relationship. What part of that is so difficult to understand? Seems logical, that if they were ready or interested in a relationship; there would be no reason for that to be said. Right?
You and he seem to have a pretty friendly connection going-on; but his success and good-looks sweeten the pot, no matter how much you distance yourself from the fact the guy's got money...and you've ridden in his Porsche. You're only about 22, and why wouldn't you be totally impressed? If it's not about his money, then what's the rush?
If you're using the L-word for someone who isn't reciprocating the feeling; it's wiser for him to remind you he's not ready for a relationship. In fact, he really should stay focused on his business. Chasing skirts got him into a near debacle; and he learned his lesson about showing-off his wealth. He's very young, with a huge responsibility in his hands.
It would behoove you not to pressure him; or it will look like you are after his wealth. I wouldn't breathe the word "love" in his direction; or he will think you're out of your mind! Expressing your strongest feelings for someone not looking for a relationship is setting yourself up for getting your feelings hurt. He'll have to keep rejecting you.
Settle-down! You've shown him you're interested. Now give him a chance to pursue you! That will give you some indication if there is any romantic-interest beyond a kiss, or getting you into bed. He's in a very difficult position; because it's difficult to tell who really likes you, when everybody "loves" a man or woman with money. The fact is, he isn't penniless! It's hard to separate him from his money; because the guy drives two Porsches, and owns a thriving and successful business at only 21!
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 July 2021):
 Wow, you have really put this guy on a pedestal, haven't you? I do understand that you are attracted to him but wanting to rip off your clothes and demand he beds you sounds much more like lust than love. Don't get me wrong; lust is a VERY powerful emotion and should never be underestimated, but it isn't love. I know you believe you love him - and perhaps you do. None of us knows how YOU feel and the fact that you know him well is a good thing. HOWEVER . . . it does not mean he feels the same or that a relationship is on the cards, now or in the future.
The part of your post which concerns me is that you have shared kisses in the past but nothing came of it. He has had his chances with you. He knows you fancy him. He has CHOSEN not to pursue this. My guess (and that is all it can be) would be that he well and truly sees you as a friend, nothing else. Hopefully I am wrong.
I'm glad that you finished your post with the assertion that you will not wait for ever. Only you can decide how long you are willing to put your life on hold for this guy. PLEASE make sure it ISN'T for ever. You deserve more.
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 July 2021):
 I would give him some space to sort himself out. He had to deal with a LOT with the last ex. The thing is, HE obviously has a type and YOU might not be it - at the moment.
And I would tell him that you will back off and give him the space he needs.
That way you leave the ball in his court and you show him at the same time that you VALUE his honesty and respect his feelings.
And then you do you. Doesn't mean you have to rush out and date someone else, but live your life.
You have (in your mind) BUILD this guy into the "perfect man" - he is not. After all, look at the last woman he CHOSE to date.
And he might NOT be a great fit for you as a partner. You can't really tell even if you care for him deeply.
You can't really BE friends with someone you fancy. Because YOU have an ulterior motive and that is to one day date him. That is not what friends do. This is why I think you need to pull be and be less available. Or you will be sidelined and friend-zoned.
Also, and I don't say this to hurt you, he might not be as into you as YOU are into him. The fact that you have known him for 7 years, there has been a kiss that lead to nothing - it might mean it's not going to happen ever. I would presume that IF he was REALLY interested in you, and has known you this long he KNOWS you are not like the ex-gf. He would have pursued you sooner.
I'd work on accepting that it might just not happen between you two.
So give YOURSELF (also) so space and time away from him so you can hopefully get over your crush on him.
Sorry. Probably not what you wanted to hear.
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