A
male
age
30-35,
*ozmo
writes:I was talking to a girl I like online (we have been talking for about a week) and she asked me that if she was there would she be a girl I sleep with. I replied with this exact line: "no way you would not be" (notice the lack of comma, it is a double negative) meaning I definitely would. but she read it as if it had a comma and took me as saying "No way, you would not be".She didn't really give any hint that she read it like that (for some reason) at the time. Only today she asked me if I really meant the way she read it. I was totally shocked she thought I meant that and I have tried really really hard to convince her I meant it as a double negative and I really would. But she doesn't seem to be convinced! How can I get through to her that I really am into her? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Oh, those punctuation marks! Does anyone even learn how to use them these days?
It's not your fault if she misread what you typed. It is unfair that you have to pay for it.
You can't double check everything you type just in case someone misreads it.
You have explained yourself already. Let her read it the way she wants. Your actions should give her a clue as to what you meant.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Ahh yes. You were trying to play it cool and ended up ice cold. In your defense, girls shouldn't be asking stupid questions like that.
You should have responded "You're gorgeous, and I'm enjoying getting to know you better, and eventually in time, I'd love to." Plain and simple, and keeps you cool.
Now, she made an awkward moment with her question, and you're digging a text-induced hole.
I agree...just drop it for now, say nice things to her, and treat it as if she passed gas in front of you -- by ignoring it. :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Your over zealous efforts to convince her are what are making her suspicious. If you'd been brief and matter of fact about it she would have believed you the first time.
Quit now before you dig yourself an even deeper hole. The more attention you pay this the more significant she will think it is.
Drop it and move on. Be with her the way you were before this misunderstanding happened and it will fade from memory.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 April 2012):
Hi there. It's all about good clear communication.
Although, it's a simple statement that you made on that day to her, it would be very easy to read it as meaning:-
"There is no way I'd ever sleep with you!"
Don't forget now, that people always read between the lines, and so consequently it's inevitable, that so much more than what was said, would automatically be read into it.
No doubt, that's exactly what happened in her case.
Unfortunately, this can so easily happen with communication in writing - such as text messaging, and talking on internet chat sites.
It's virtually impossible to avoid.
There is always the tendency to abbreviate what is said - to save time - and in doing so, some of the true meaning of the statement is lost. Hence the misunderstandings.
You see, people when they write, don't always speak the exact same way as they would if they were actually talking with their voice. They cut out some words here and there, and while the general feeling of the statement is similar, there is definitely room for it to be taken a different way altogether - by the receiver.
And that's where the problems start.
And it happens all the time!
Which is why you need to carefully read what you have written - before you send it - so there is absolutely no room for doubt, by the receiver of that message. Then you can't go wrong.
Perhaps a better way for you to have made that statement, would have been this:-
"Yes, I probably would sleep with you."
Nice and simple.
Saying "No", simply confused your message to her, causing her to totally take it the opposite way, which is what she ultimately did do. In any case, it definitely confused her, didn't it?
At the very least, it was unclear.
Perhaps in future, if you are asked by her, a question which requires a "Yes" or "No" answer, and your answer is "Yes", then say straight out - "Yes". That way it is clear right at the outset.
It's very easy to cloud the meaning, when you are communicating by writing. So extra care must be taken in your style of speaking, making very sure you speak with the same clarity as you would when actually talking with your voice.
You can still abbreviate, so a message isn't too long, but you just need to keep in mind what your true meaning is, so as to avoid any misunderstandings.
Much communication is done by text messaging, Facebook and chat rooms these days, so with the natural shortening of messages, some important words get left off, and this is what changes the whole context and causes the most problems.
So in future, as long as you are always mindful of how you phrase things and the words you choose, and make sure you read carefully what you have said "before" sending a message - well then, you will probably never have a problem like this again.
Words can so easily be misconstrued, and people get offended so easily, that it's really worth that little extra bit of attention to detail, to avoid any problems in future.
It's really worth it to spend those extra few seconds on checking what you have written, before sending the message.
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