| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: hello again look i am deeply in love with my gf and all i want to do is be with her but her mom prevents me from seeing her. now my gf and her mom aren't necessarily close my gf doesn't like her mom because of her childish behavior and stubbornness i know my gf wants to move out but i'm worried that i'm just being used just for my gf to move out. thats not the real questions though. my insecurities have lead her mom from dislike to absolute hatred this is my first relationship but i want to marry this girl and my gf will be more than happy to be my wife. how can we both get her mom that we make each other happy and we care for each other and are truly in love. How can i convince her mom that i'm really a good guy, and how can i say this with her mom's childish behavior and stubbornness. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 November 2010):
If you know you are a good, why do you need to covince other people. Your actions is all they need to see. People will hate you even if you had wings pixie dust. Just human nature to hate before getting to know someone.
Love your girl, treat her right, and she will fight for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): your comments about your GF's mother suggest you have little respect for her. She is valiantly trying to prevent her daughter from making a huge mistake. Your GF's mother has more insight, maturity and commonsense than you imagine. Your GF's mother has the life experience and wisdom to realise her headstrong disrespectful daughter is hell bent on making a big life mistake. Even your GF demonstrates insufficient respect for her mother. Your GF's studies at school are probably suffering, and yr GF's mother is worried her daughter will not reach her full potential if your GF does not complete her schooling. Marry too young and have babies too young results in long term poverty too often for the young family. If you are already in a sexual relationship with your GF then no wonder her mother is concerned. Teenage pregnancy is a hard road to travel. So many pressures. So many things you have to give up, to pay for diapers, baby equipment, baby formula, baby needs you cannot even imagine yet. Your nights out with the boys will be over. The bills have to be paid, so you will not be able to to afford to go to the game. You will get frustrated at all these deprivations to what you will come to see as your 'rights'. But your children should come first, if you are to be a good father. So many young fathers eventually find the burden too much, walk out on their young family, or take up with a paramour. Causing so much pain to their wife and their children. Because insufficient money results in resentment all round, and relationship breakdowns. The best way to demonstrate responsibility to your GF and her mother is to show her more respect. Listen to her concerns. She is the primary adult responsible for her daughter. And her daughter is not yet an adult and so her mother has to protect her. That includes from an immature boy who wants a sexual relationship with her daughter. a responsible option would be to delay your plan at least 3 more years. Earn some money, get into a regular savings plan, develop a better financial plan to demonstrate how you can adequately look after and care for a wife and possibly children in the near future. I imagine you see yourself as a mature man. An impatient young man with a sense of urgency. Marriage too early will place you, your wife and child/children into a cycle of poverty. And deprivation and frustration when you can't afford things you, your wife or your children need. It is sheer stupidity to want to marry so young. I presume you are honorable enough to suggest legal marriage? And that you are not disreputably suggesting making your GF an unmarried mother? At your current age you are not old enough to vote in some places. Your post suggests you are 16 - 17 years old. Still a boy. Probably not earning enough to keep house, pay for utilities, pay for the cost of children, maintain a vehicle, pay rent. If you truly love this girl you will demonstrate how responsible you are by waiting for her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers guys but the childish thing came from my gfs mouth from what i hear from her whenever she brings me up in the conversation her mom changes the subject or just says i'm ugly and thats what my gf tells me and i'm 17 and my gf is 18. my gf doesn't want to talk to her mom or have me talk because she believe the situation will only get worse. i understand as a parent wher her mom is coming from but neither me or my gf ever got a clear reason why her mom is the way she is towards me her mom chose her ex bf over me even though my gf's ex abused and used her in so many ways and i'm the bad guy i just don't see how that makes sense
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Parents usually hate their childrens boyfriends/girlfriends because they are protective and hate the idea of their children no needing them anymore and growing up, every parent hates that idea. If both of you are 16/17 then that is fairly young to be discussing moving out and marriage and her mother probably feels that way too. I have no doubt of your love for your girlfriend but I think slow it down a little and revaluate your situation. Has your gf tried to sit down and talk to her mother about her behaviour? If she did perhaps the relationship would get better. As for yourself, I dont know whether she would let you in the house but try talking to the mother and explaining that you just love her daughter and are not trying to take her away you just want to care for her and be with her. Take slow steps into building this relationship between the three of you. Build up her trust first and she will soon warm to the idea of the two of you together. Good Luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
For a start, quit saying that her mother is childish and stubborn. That won't go down well. There is a reason she's acting this way, and it's not out of being childish. If you have insecurities, then deal with them and prove you're worthy of her daughter. Perhaps she's had a bad experience with a man and sees problems with you. Perhaps she's worried about her daughter becoming more and more distant. Perhaps your girlfriend has had problems before or something.
Whatever the reason though, you need to stop looking at her mother as being childish. She's not. She's doing what most parents do which is making sure you're a decent guy.
Deal with your insecurities which have led her to dislike her even more, and prove you're worth something to her daughter.
...............................
|
