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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years now. I love him very much but I seem to have strange urge to destroy our relationship by letting little things about him get to me and, instead of just mentioning what is annoying me once I will get very angry and then go on and on incessantly about it until he gets so worn down that he treatens to leave me. This even sometimes happen in the middle of the night when we are both extremely tired! I think sometimes he wonders what on earth he's doing with me. My question is - how can I control my temper more and just ignore things so I don't have this affect on him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 You didn't list any of the things that annoy you, one way to help with anger control is to think it all out. This would be a good exercise for you. Keep an anger journal and when he does something you can list the whole incident in detail. Then categorize it as below.
Taking the time to just think about what is going on will help keep your anger under control.
Sit down list every little tiny thing he does that annoys you. Cross out anything that doesn't directly affect you. Such as eats his grapefruit wrong.
Then write beside any personality traits the positive side to the trait. (Except for violent personalities which have no real positive side.) Such as Is never serious- Fun to be with.
This should leave the things that directly affect you and your happiness. Such as He leaves his mess for me to clean.
If this list is most the list then you need to get couple's counsellings or walk away from this relationship. If it is a few items then you might be able to work these out without bringing into the mix all the silly little things that don't matter and his personality.
Keep your anger journal up to date at all times. Before you speak write it all down, organize, and think. Then you will be able to understand if it is worth the frustration or not.
If your anger won't back down then get up and go for a walk, swim, run, lift weights, jump rope, anything that will get your heart pounding. Then relax, and listen to soothing (no words) music. This is a great way to release some emotions.
Hopefully these exercises will point out the true source of your frustration and you will be able to handle it in a calm collected way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Ditto ive been going through it aswell word for word,Do you spend a lot of time together? if so like i was try to have a bit of space without seeing eachother.Im currently doing that and see my partner only once or twice a week,its done wonders to our relationship and we will build more time between us as we go along.:)
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