A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony aunts and Uncles, last summer in July (the one that just passed) I met this guy. We went on a date, had a nice time and I thought he was a really nice guy. That was the only time we ever went out together. All the other times he would come round my house and he would initiate sex and I'd give it to him. Soon I began to wonder what I meant to him. So I asked him "What am I to you? How would you introduce me? Is it just sex?" To which he replied "Well...yeah."I thought he genuinely liked me and I believed him to be my boyfriend because he was always so nice to me and affectionate.I was very hurt by this and I showed him the door and told him "I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore." I slept with him too soon I guess so I think that's the reason behind it.(I'm 18 by the way and he's 22). So that was in early September.Then in November out of the blue I got a text from him asking me how I was. I was completely surprised by this. To cut a long story short, he said he liked me and asked me what I want to do. So I said we can either be friends or more than friends but not friends with benefits. (Because that's what I was to him before and I will not allow myself to be used).He said he wanted us to be more than friends. So I guess that means we're going out now. So far I've been to the movies with him once and about two weeks ago he came round my house and we had sex.I am wondering now if I am falling into the same pattern as before. Is he using me for sex again and pretending he wants us to be together or is he genuine? He's a nice guy, I like him and he's really sweet but I don't really feel like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Mind you, it still is early days but I am wondering. Should I confront him about it and tell him how I feel? If so how? And did I do the right thing by taking him back even though I was just sex to him before? Oh and I still haven't asked him why he decided to text me all of a sudden.Your advice would be well appreciated.Thanks.
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female
reader, kellyO +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Irish in a way is right. It is difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who didnt respect you in the past. There is the likelihood that he might hurt u again. Like i said earlier it would have been better to hold back on the sex for sometime after reuniting. But regardless u can still make changes here as male anom says. Take sex off the menu and see. talk to him about this.
Goodluck dear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Sweety, I have to disagree with you. You did not learn. You were used by this young man once already. He had clearly displayed a lack of respect and honor for you, to begin with. What did that tell you about him? Now you are taking him back or considering it. You need to realize that by allowing and waiting around for a guy who has treated you badly in your past, is waiting around to be treated badly, in your future. You can't honestly say it is anything else. All I will say to you..he has shown you what he is capable of...so I will tell you, don't waste time with people who fail to treat you with respect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): It might not be only about sex. They are many girls out there he could have sex with. Why did he come back? Take out sex from the equation(relationship) until you can trust him more.See how he responds to the new arrangement.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIrish49 I have learned from it but it's just that, yes I am weak and with time I forgave him because he doesn't seem like that kind of person. I did think "Oh my God what a jerk" at first but because time past I got over the anger and he said he knew I was angry and wasn't sure what to do. I've decided to ask him about the whole thing next time I see him. Thanks for the advise though anon & KellyO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIrish49 I have learned from it but it's just that, yes I am weak and with time I forgave him because he doesn't seem like that kind of person. I did think "Oh my God what a jerk" at first but because time past I got over the anger and he said he knew I was angry and wasn't sure what to do. I've decided to ask him about the whole thing next time I see him. Thanks for the advise though anon & KellyO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Dear, why are you even dating this fellow again when he admitted to you rather blatantly that yes, he was coming to see you just for the sex? What does that one word "YES"..tell you about him and his character? What does it say about you and your weaknesses and lack of common sense? When you showed him the door, the first time...that is the time you should've said "How dare he-what a jerk! I will never waste my time on a guy like this and I'll be more careful, in the future". But you haven't learned from all this. This is what I find so disturbing. And no, you didn't do the right thing by taking back a guy who has previously used you like a chunk of meat when he has an itch to scratch. With all the wonderful, caring, decent men out there, that you could be dating--you ask us if this guy is right for you? Kick his butt to the curb, muster up your self-respect and let this loser go. If you date him, you will never, ever trust him again and you will always be doubting his true intents. Don't put yourself through that. You worth way more than that. Make wise choices, now, in your life, so you don't spend time wasted on needless regret and pian, in your future. Good luck dear and take care of YOU.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (7 December 2006):
Hi there,
It will be hard for him to wipe the slate clean especially when he previously said it was all about sex. But perhaps he did genuinely missed u and wants more. I would have suggested that u give him some time afterwards before being involved sexually again to know if he is genuine and give yourself time to reflect and know whether to trust him.But it doesnt matter u can still go from here.
Anyways what u can do now is to talk to him. Tell how he made u feel when he said that and why he decided to have a change in heart.
Take care now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Yes he is still using you for sex. Unless you want a casual relationship with no strings, take sex off the menu. You will soon see that it is the only thing that keeps him hanging around (albeit occasionally).
Find somebody else; there has to be somebody out there who will treat you better than this. And even if there isn't, you're better off alone than with this user.
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