A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf of almost three years and I just got back after being broken up for about six months. In the past I became insecure because I felt him becoming distant and then he would lie and hide certain things from me and then as I felt him pulling away I would try harder to be with him untill he broke up with me. After six months he came back begging for another chance. Saying he had changed , he didnt want to lose me again and all this other stuff. And in those months apart I tried working on myself and having more self control so I wouldn't have to feel so insecure. And I did have control for while, at least while he was working for it the ball was in my court. But now that we are back I feel like I've lost it, I've gone back to feeling insecure. It scares me because I don't want to be back in that same situation. I dont want this to end because of my insecurities but I constantly feel like I am not appreciated and I have tried talking to him about it but I feel like he doesn't get it. It feels like im talking to a wall.Im not gonna say he doesn't love me I just think he has a poor way of showing it. But it just feels like he likes the idea of me but doesn't wanna put in the time and as much effort like if he is lazy about it. I know I don't deserve that but I love him so much maybe it has to do with the fact that he was my first but I want this to work out. Im not doubting his love for me or that heit doesn't want this to work out because we just got back about two months ago, but i dont know what to do.How can I change my insecurity issuses so I don't drive him away once again? I don't want to become clingy again...how can I gain that self control once again? Is there anything I can do to get him to understand that feeling I have of being taken for granted?As of right now I am in panic mode because I am confused. I am unsure off how happy I am. Maybe because we just had an argument. But regaurless there is days where he makes me the happiest girl and there is days where I am so miserable and I question everything and the insecurities kick in....I am asking for help because I want to change this about me I don't want to push him away. It hurst knowing I've gone back to this...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 You seem to be putting all the blame on yourself about your insecurities and trust issues. But he broke up with you so that is going to make you insecure, he hid things from you and lied to you, so off course the trust is going to be gone for him. No matter how hard someone works the past cannot change. You feel that he doesn't treat you right, which makes you miserable at times, you need to take control of this and be open and honest with him. Tell him how he makes you feel. Explain to him how he can improve the relationship. As for you being insecure in the relationship. I guess you just need to learn to trust him again and take a chance on him. Build up your self confidence and remember that he is the one that came back for you because he couldn't be without you.
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