A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:its been 7 years when i got married. my marriage is like a rock. when we got some fight, we did 'nt talk for so long for about 3 months, is the worst..sometimes 1 month or less..my husband is a type of person that when you start talking, he will talk, when i start romancing him, he will do the same thing...i always do the initiative.i always pamper him. we talk less because im the one who always talk..he just listen and no reaction what i am talking..he is so boring..i talk to him about that, but no changeson his part.no third party is involved. how can i change him??? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Was he like this before you got married? Changing a person isn't an easy thing. When it comes down to his personality and the type of person he is, its either you leave him or accept him the way he is. Talk to him about it but I'm afraid you have a man who's always going to want you to take the first step in a lot of areas. Had a friend with a similar case. If they go out, she'll order the drinks and food, if they're having an event she had the task of organizing everything. She knew this before they got married, knew she had to put up with it and they're still together.
A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 I have somewhat of a different take than the below poster. If you have to torment and torture someone you love after they talk to you I would ALWAYS keep my mouth shut because I know what is next. The silent treatment. Three months, a month, what kind of relationship is that? Neither can swallow their pride to keep the marriage together? You do not need to change him; you need to find out why you feel the need to torture him for months on end. I have been thru one of those silent treatments before and after the third week I dropped her like a bad habit. That is not love. The biggest mistake a woman can make is to think she can change a man. You want to change him but if he said to you “I need to change you” you would have a real issue yet it is OK for you to try and change him, double standard. You both have lost sight of what love is and means and need to revaluate your commitment to each other. Instead of not talking it should be let us agree to disagree and move on. You ask why he waits for you to initiate things, he does that because that is the safe way. No rejection if does not initiate things. He obviously still loves you and wants to be close, as he has proven that by responding in kind when you initiate things. As for talking I would not talk if it means that more than likely you will not talk to him for a month if he says the wrong thing. The silent treatment works both ways. He does not talk because he cannot swallow his pride enough to apologize, he should have to apologize, he should have to talk and move past the problem. You can encourage that by doing that yourself. Going to bed mad leads to ulcers. You can go to bed mad and just a little touch says I love you and I do not want to fight. That way no one apologizes yet you move on. NEVER EVER think your going to change a man, we change when we want to not when our wives do not talk for months, that leads to resentment and divorce. Being married for 32 years we have had some serious discussions but learned that someone has to make the first move towards returning the relationship around. When done enough the other moves in kind and will start doing the same thing. A silent sexless marriage is doomed. Accept him with his faults as you did when you married him as he accepted yours, realize that you are to totally different people, and always will be. Not so different that you cannot be happy, my wife and I are opposites, and our marriage could not be better. We have learned to accent each others faults and love each others strengths. Try, instead of not talking, when you are mad, ask him if he loves you, he will say yes and the door is open to move ahead.
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Talk to him one more time and see if that might help. Let him know that you need a husband who's always interested in you and willing to take the lead and be the person you want at the right time. If that doesn't get through to him, then try some marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you can decide if you'll settle for this or leave because your husband should be trying to keep you happy and interested all the time, and he should be worried if he's not. If he decides to go, then great and hopefully you'll notice a change. But hopefully, this talk will get through to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (30 October 2011):
Talk to him one more time and see if that might help. Let him know that you need a husband who's always interested in you and willing to take the lead and be the person you want at the right time. If that doesn't get through to him, then try some marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you can decide if you'll settle for this or leave because your husband should be trying to keep you happy and interested all the time, and he should be worried if he's not. If he decides to go, then great and hopefully you'll notice a change. But hopefully, this talk will get through to him.
...............................
|
