A
female
age
22-25,
*niekafrischmann
writes:Well i'm 13, and when i was 8 my mom and dad split because my mom fell in love with a black guy. At the time i didn't understand i was only told that my mom and dad didn't love each other anymore.Me and my dad were so close that i wanted to live with him because we went everywhere together he was like such a super parent.And when my mom started a family with the other guy our relationship faded away quickly. I do love my mom too but we don't see eac hother i only see her every two months or 3 months for a few hours our relationship is totally faded.About a year and a half ago my dad met another woman ,My dad is 45 shes 31 and she is Irish. But i was about 11 and a half i didn't notice her until we went to a wedding because she was with me and dad the whole time. Her and dad seemed to be having a really good time together and i admit i was jealous, i began to question who is she? But he said just a friend but I could see by my dads smile she was more and when dad told me a few days before hand that he was with her and wanted to invite her to dinner at our place so that i could get to know her and let him know if i liked her. But it didn't matter how nice she was to me i didn't want to get to know her so when she spoke to me i'd answer with one word answers i'd hardly speak to her , if she bought me something i'd give it back to her i'd say up straight i don't like it and i really hurt her feelings, but could you blame me?? i just didn't want a mother figure just my dad. and it used to break my dads heart yet he would never say anything.It's just since i have grown older well its actually with the past 4 months i'm realising she is like a mom to me, my own mom bought me nothing for christmas and i had my dad pestered to buy me this bracelet and well christmas morning dad got me the most random thing ever and when she gave me my present i couldn't believe she bought me the bracelet because it was so expensive and when my dad saw it he just said to her where did you get that?? and she said she heard me saying i wanted one and i felt so bad because i bought her noting she said she wanted nothing and not to worry but i still felt so bad because i realised maybe she does care.So now dad told me a week ago she is pregnant she dosent know i know so i don't want her to think dad burst the bubble to me he said he couldn't keep it in and when i heard theres a baby on the way i got this weird mushy feeling inside me. Shes gone 13 weeks I don't know how she kept so calm with me because about 2 weeks ago i was eating the head off her for no reason it was over something so small and she nor dad said nothing i wouldn't have been giving out to her if i knew she was pregnant and i think this is why i need to make her see i don't hate her anymore and that i truely except her i just want her to be like a mom to me :( i want to show my dad too that i except her i just don't want her think think i was the step daughter from hell or something because i'm beginning to feel really close to her i don't know why i am but i am she dosent realise it because its like she expects me to lash out into a tantrum daily because she is so used to it. What do i do? How do i make her feel like she is important to me because i've been so long without my own mom i just need a mother daughter relationship you know like me and her can go shopping that we can do things that mothers and daughters do but i don't want to ask her thats the thing. I don't want to go back to my own mom she has 3 kids and i just don't feel as close to her anymore please help??
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christmas, fell in love, jealous, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): apologise to her: tell her u are sorry.tell her that u were also worried/scared/frightened.
TALK to her. be interested in some of the things she likes.
valentines day is 14 feb: perhaps get her something for valentines day. or perhaps a card relating to her pregnancy.
u are a good kid. you are very blessed to have a stepmum like her.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 I think this is one of the nicest posts I have ever read and you are clearly very mature to write such a thing. Just leave the computer on and let her see what you have written and she'll be so pleased it will all fall into place. You'll soon be out shopping and doing fun mother/ daughter things together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): If you haven't had your mom around for while and you've learn to depend on your dad, I think it's understandable that feel hostile towards your stepmom. I think you're realizing now that you've mistreated a person that has tried very hard to care for you. And perhaps you're realizing you might like to have a mother-daughter relationship in your life. What do you do?
You could apologize to her for the way you've behaved. You won't form a mother-daughter relationship overnight, but if you treat her like a person who is worthy of respect and honesty, I think you'll feel better about yourself. You seem to have a person in your life (and now in your family) that is trying very hard to care for you and get to know you. Why don't you meet her half way and start with an apology? You might even clue her into what's going on in your head once in a while and tell her why you feel so hostile towards her.
There's no ideal mother-daughter relationship...both sides figure it out as they go along. Mothers aren't perfect just because they're "mothers" and she is probably worrying and trying to figure out how to live with you in the same way you're worrying about how to live with her. I think it's important to remind yourself the next time she disappoints you or makes you feel threatened, that she is just a person (and apparently a very patient person) who is trying to figure out how in her own way how to care for you...and she's going to make mistakes.
I used to wish my mother was someone else...but I think the more I get to know her as an individual and not as a "mom", the more I love her and forgive her for personality flaws. You'll probably discover the same thing about her and your biological mom for that matter.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Just quit acting like a spoiled brat to her and the relationship between you two will begin to flourish. Start behaving yourself and she'll figure it out.
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