A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got into a relationship too quickly with a guy. At first everything was fun and fine but the longer I know him, the more I realize that there are just too many red flags (our differences in personality/lifestyle/interests) but I realize that he is getting more and more attached to me. I want to break off the relationship... but valentines a few days away is not making it any easier. He's a sweet guy (that's what I was really fond of in the beginning, but then discovered his borderline controlling side and am starting to feel suffocated) and I know he is very attached to me where as I am the opposite. I'm starting to be less available for him so maybe he can understand that something is changing. How can I break up with this guy without it being too hard on him? Is there any proper etiquette for this? This is new to me as before that I had always been in very long relationships so don't really know how to deal with short-term dating. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (9 February 2013):
Honestly: there's no way to soften up a break up. Rule of the thumb: do it sooner rather than later because letting a guy have the impression things are allright when they're not is one of the worst things you can do. Forget about Valentine's Day, it's a trivial ritual of no importance and shouldn't influence when you're going to tell him. Just tell him, in person, of course.
Sit him down today and tell him. If you want to 'prepare' him, say up front that you're going to tell him something important that's been bothering you for a while, and that it'll hurt him, but that you need to be honest with him. And then tell him you want to break up. Give him the reason behind it, but don't be tempted into analyzing the relationship to death. Be kind, but frank. That's it. Think about how you want to be approached if you were in his shoes.
One big rule: DO NOT propose to stay friends. Many girls do this to make themselves feel better, but many guys view this as a second chance at the relationship. So don't do that unless you want things to get messy.
Make it clean, be kind (not too sweet though), be frank and then cut contact and move on. Trust me, he'll get over it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): You need to talk to him and be honest as to why and tell him that you dont see it working and then end all contact and make sure that he understands why so that he doesn't have the excuse of needing a reason from you. And dont be hard be too hard on yourself because these things happen and now he can move on.Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Just keep it brief. Tell him you are too different to work out and you don't like how he is controlling you. You are very sure that you won't be happy in the long run. In my opinion it is okay to do it over the phone. Wish him well and then don't contact him ever again. You have to be firm also. I attempted to break up over the phone then I heard "Hi sweetheart." I got soft and I couldn't do it. Then the break up happened at his place weeks later when we had an argument about how I didn't meet his emotional needs. Don't give yourself a hard time if the break up didn't happen right away. The important thing is that you get your message across to him.
...............................
|
