A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of almost 2 years is exceptionally caring, generous and always complimenting me. However he is also an incredibly jealous person, and gets angry at the slightest things, for example me liking photos that have boys in them on social media. He says I'm allowed to do whatever I want, but manages to make me feel incredibly guilty for having male friends. We both have short tempers but I feel like what he gets angry at is unjustified. I have been completely loyal throughout our relationship, he even has my social media passwords. Yet I still don't feel like I've earned his trust. I've spoken to him about this before, and he says he will try to change but it never seems to last. How do I break this cycle?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 You can't "make" him less possessive, jealous or insecure - those issues are for HIM to deal with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): You can not break the cycle. You are not the one with the problem. As you can only change yourself, not someone else, this is out of your hands. Either accept that your boy friend has severe control issues and drop all male friends all male colleagues and speak to only women or leave. Only he can change himself and he has to believe that he is wrong. Currently just like you want to change him, he wants to change you. Currently he is using guilt and arguments to control you. Chances are these methods when proven to not be effective will be replaced with threats and possible escalation to violence. Are you prepared?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): The only way to break the cycle is to break up with him - permanently - because this is just his personality and he won't change.
At your age, your partner shouldn't have your passwords because you'd have to change them each time you break up with someone. Showing them is better than letting them have unlimited access.
You're young - these are adult issues and you shouldn't have to deal with them, which you know, but you can't change him and he isn't changing on his own.
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 Unfortunately it isn't very easy to just simply break some one out of a possessive cycle. Jealousy isn't about " ownership" or " possession" of a person, it is about fear of losing that person to someone or something else. They are so afraid of losing that person that they hold on so impossibly tight that in most cases they end up driving the person they treasure away. This fear of losing what they love is most likely the result of an earlier experience that has left an emotional scar like the death of a beloved relative, pet or the ending of a previous relationship. Talk to him about his fears and see if you can deduce where all this is coming from. When you can better understand his actions you will be able to help him.
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