A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 56 year old male in a relationship with a 54 year old divorced women.She was raped repeatedly when she was 15 , by her step father. She also suffered other trauma through the years. Ex husband hit her with a belt, ex boy friend infected her with herpes.She is currently going through the change and works a very stressful schedule.Late this summer her rapist stepfather came in town to work on her step-sister's house. She started to act distant and removed from me. Then after the summer she told me she wanted to end the relationship, for me to be her companion because she felt smothered.What do I do. I love her very much.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 This woman more than likely still has some unresolved psychological issues after all these years. That is a lot to go thru. I think she should talk to a counselor and whatever choice she decides to do, support her.
A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 She could be suffering from PTSD, which often manifests itself in times of stress... and she certainly has a lot of that at the moment.
Continue being there for her. If she asks for time alone, give it to her (but not too much). Let her know you are at the end of the phone whenever she may need you. If someone says they feel smothered, it is often a sign of extreme stress.
I suffer with PTSD myself, and I know when I am having what I now call an episode, I do not want anyone near me. I do not want to be touched, cuddled, talked to or anything. Even by the people I love and trust the most. Those that know me well know to keep a close eye on things, but let me have my space. I have a friend that will call once a day and will let me know she is there for me. Sometimes I will ignore the phone, and she will leave me a message or send a text. The important thing is to give her control.
Perhaps offering to go to the docs with her, see if they can put her on some meds. They wont make her feel better, but they may stop her feeling worse.
Throughout her life, she has had the control ripped from her. Be sure you don't do the same by ignoring specific requests. It seems like you are already doing all you can, so not it is just a case of waiting. When she gets through this difficult time she will appreciate you not running away, and it will only bond you further. xx
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 I understand how hard this is for you. I was molestered as a child and raped by my first boyfriend, I know that it always stays with you. The best thing you can do is to respect her decision and try to encourage her to see a professional to help her. I doubt that she has had therapy in the past from what you described. Just support her and show her that you respect her decision. I wish both you and your lady the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Isn't companionship, a relationship in a nutshell? Or does she mean just friends?
The best way to support her is to honor her request. Back off if she needs space to deal with her traumatic past. It's going to continue to haunt her for the rest of her life.
After all these years, has she received any kind of therapy? Perhaps you should suggest that she talk to a qualified counselor to help her cope with these past experiences.
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