A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a bit confused. I'm an attractive, well educated woman who seem not to be able to solve a simple enough problem and so would love some good advice. I love my boyfriend, we've been together for a long time. I use to be faithful but these days i'm not. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I met a guy a few months back and he is wonderful, I think I fell inlove with him and he with me. I broke it off when i realised what was happening because i didn't want to ruin what my boyfriend and i have. The problem is I cant stop thinking about him and i also know that while he is so wonderful he could never love me the selfless way my boyfriend does.My boyfriend has always treated me with nothing more than love and respect, though a few times he has done some really hurtful things. Now the complicated part is, I started to talk to another guy to get my mind off the previous guy, but now this third guy and I broke up, i never loved him but we served a purpose in eachother's live. Our little "fling" stemmed from us being friends and talking about relationship woes.My questions is, how do I get back to finding myself. To being the faithful girlfriend that i use to be. My cheating spell started when my boyfriend became super busy and we started arguing alot which we never use to do. I love him and want us to work but because he is never around i keep looking for someone to console me. I get so lonely sometimes. So i've went from never cheating to being a world class, retched cheat (or so i've convinced myself) and sucking at it because i keep getting emotionally attached. How do I get back to the point where I am faithful and have eyes only for my boyfriend even though we are mostly in different zip codes because of the nature and demands of our careers. Wow didn't expect to write so much! Thanks in advance for your advice. Damsel in distress...
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Your question was about how you could be the faithful person you once were. You can be that person again but it's harder than just deciding you're a cheat and continuing to do it.
The way to be that person again is to ,,,,,just start being her again.
Visualize the person you want to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks so much for your responses, they were surprisinly good...didn't expect that.
Just to clear something up... My boyfriend and I are currently separated and the "cheating" has occured during this separation. The break was HIS idea then i agreed. HE decided that we would do our own thing though i get the impression he isn't. Even though we are separated we talk as we always do and now we are making attempts to reconcile. He does know about the other guys, I have always been honest with him about that, though not giving the gory details because he'd rather not know.
I do admit that finding myself cannot be through other men. I already know these things thats why I can't believe its me that is going through this. As for my female friends, its difficult to talk to her because she told me she likes the third guy that i dated because she didn't know about our secret rendezvous. I didn't love him but we were friends and it just went in a different direction. I ended it with the third guy because my friend said she liked him and i knew what i was doing was wrong. Besides now he has a new lady in his life that I accidentally found out about, ironically he was attempting to juggle the two of us, no wait the THREE of us (my friend now included)!! Its possibly my ego thats briuised. But i am still hurt non-the-less because he was also my friend. By the way its only been these two guys, not every guy I'm attracted to.
Ugh I royally suck! I do NOT want to break up with my boyfriend. Our space was to have a little freedom. But i don't want anymore freedom. I want us to be a REAL us again. So, that is the question. How can I get THAT back.
Damsel in distress...
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A
female
reader, Felina  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 Hi there.I see youre a bit confused...I think in the past,I also found myself in the same situation.I the first place,I think you are having those srtange secret feelings for other man because,maybe subconsciously,you are reacting and defending yourself of those bad things youre current boyfrend did to you.I believe we create defenses and protections,like shields,even when we dont want to,or dont mean to.When I felt in that same situation,I just broke up with him.Yes,I loved him,and yes,I cried days and nights.However,although I realy adored him,there were some issues,like sex and other things,that made me feel the will to be unfaithfull...I needed more trill,more fun,more adventure.Then,when I wasnt expecting at all,I met this man...Gorgeous,really fun,really hot.We started to date.And maybe in the third date we had sex and...BOOOMMM...The sex was great!Not because of the size of his penis,and not because of his abs.We just made a connection,an explosive onde.And hell no,I dont want any other man.I want him!I really love him.Hes my friend and my lover.So I think you just need to take some time for yourself.Dont worry...you will find yourself.I hope this will help.
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