A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i cant hold a long and deep conversation.. for example if im out with a friend i just cant think of something to keep on talking. even if my mates talk i cant think of something to respond with! i can respond basically but i cant make it deep and influential. how can i become more philosophical and wise in a way?i feel this negativity about me repels women away from me. how can i become a better conversationist? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): I understand how you may feel I had similar issue. My ex was a dominant conversationalist so in some ways I felt intimidated he new a lot and I would feel exactly like you. Responded in a basic way not really in depth but don't feel bad we all have something that we may not be as informed on and or the person your dealing with could be a dominant conversationalist like my ex.The way to deal with them is to build your confidence read a lot on how to deal with strong opinion people. Politics was a subject that just didn't interest me but because a lot of people of whom I interacted with loved politics I brushed up on my skills.I surfed the net read everything there is to know about politics. Know I am more prepared to deal with this subject. Reading is truly fundemental. One thing to do is read the paper once a day its not only informative but it also is a great exercise for you mind. As far as females for the most of us we love to talk. Comedians have made jokes about this when two guys are together the most they will say is 40 words in convo lol but women we take the dictionary and make it look like nothing. Bottom line we all have somthing to talk about find what it is you like and you will find its easier to be more in depth with your conversations. I hope this was helpful have a blessed day.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 July 2009):
 You're thinking too much about this and I think you'd have more to say if you weren't having an inner monologue. "I HAVE to think of something deep to say, I MUST look more wise and cool."
What are you passionate about? What do you know a lot about? Develop your knowledge there and this can spill over into other areas.
Do you read newspapers, keep up with the news, have a political opinion? Keep up with whatever counts as pop culture for your peer group?
Some people just aren't good at speaking in large groups; one-on-one or a smaller group is more comfortable. Here's the big secret: take an interest in what the other person is passionate about. Ask a lot of questions, sincerely, please, and set yourself a goal to learn at least three things from them. If you're a good listener, you'll be considered a fantastic conversationalist. I don't mean, sit and listen and keep mum, I mean listen and then paraphrase what you've heard and replay that to the original speaker to make sure you've understood what they said. Ask questions like, "What do you mean by that?" to elicit further explanation. The more you learn about someone, the easier it is to find things to talk about. Suddenly, one day, if you keep this up, you'll realize you're in a deep and meaningful conversation and you won't even know how you got there.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (25 July 2009):
 first of all relax!
dont put too much preassure on yourself, being a good conversationists takes practice.
the best way to initiate conversation is ask questions about the other person, keep asking questions, and listen to the answers and go from there...
have small pauses but dont talk too much or too little.
keep eye contact also to maintain peoples interest. add humour and people will like u more.
good luck!
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