A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on being lonely. I've been feeling so lonely that I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel that I have nothing to live for. All I do is go to work or school and have absolutely zero social interactions. I hate coming home and being lonely so I'll stay in public as much as possible, whether it be going to a restaurant, watching a movie, or shopping (all alone) I just can't stay at home. I don't have a single friend, and months often pass by and no one texts me or talks to me. I don't remember the last time I was invited to hang out with someone, or the last time a friend checked up on me. I don't know what to do... I've tried so hard to make friends or go out with people, but it's hard when I know nobody. I don't like feeling this alone and just want to be happy!
View related questions:
text, want to be happy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 January 2017):
 Oh and I almost forgot to tell you: it gets better. When you grow older you get more freedom to seek out like minded people. It gets better then.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 January 2017):
When you are this young it is still hard. I know how you feel, I was absolutely alone too when I was a teenager. I didn't have real friends until after high school, and then some years. I had acquaintances, at most, who also never invited me anywhere.
I started to invite myself. I don't have a big group of friends still, and I don't get texts every day, but I prefer a small group or to meet with people individually anyway.
I just started to either invite myself along with someone as in "is there a party tonight? That's cool, do you think there's room for one more?" If it's a small, private dinner, of course use some common sense and don't invite yourself, but if there is to be a big gathering then why not?
I then made it a habit to invite people to do things myself. Even if I don't know a person particularly well. I mean, why wait around for someone to invite you? Invite them yourself to your own things. Say you're going to a museum, and someone you meet talks to you about it, why not invite them along? Sure, 80% of the time it will be bad timing, or they're not interested. But then some times they ARE interested, and maybe just as lonely as you are and looking to make new friends.
Making friends is like dating, really. You need to chat people up. You need to dare face rejection. But it's a lot less scary, because friends can be at any level of intimacy you like. From friends who just meet to go to museums or concerts, to friends you have deep conversations with over a glass of wine. Friends come in all colours and at all levels, accept every level you get and then with some you grow deeper, and others fade away. But just accept that this is part of how it is. The closest friends I have now started out as just acquaintances or worse, they were people I didn't really like when I first met them. But over the years they can grow on you. So accept them all.
Be happy for the acquaintances you have, they are actually people who like to talk to you, even if it's just a hi. And if they smile to you, you should know it's because seeing you makes them feel like smiling, not just because they are courteous. Acquaintances are lovely people who have in your life as well :) If you want to be more than acquaintances with one or two of them, try striking up a conversation and invite them to go along with you to something, like a concert, a museum, or even just a boring lecture.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): well you may be lonely but you are thought about often.I personally add you to my prayers hoping that people will be friendlier to you.Are you being bullied?I fear you might be! It is absolutely imperative that you make as much fuss about this as you can!Tell them at school or college that you are depressed.Corner your class teacher or lecturer and tell them "I couldnt do that essay , assignment because I was too depressed to think about it!"You will be surprised at their concern.Tell them "I am sick and tired of no one being friendly to me!Its getting me down!"And try to hand in a very low grade essay if you are an A star pupil because everyone expects A stars to be brilliant all the time and will be most notably shocked.If you are mediocre student like so many of us were then you must still make a fuss.And take tissues for tears and makeup remover pads for smudged mascara if you can wear it.If you go blotchy when crying have some wipes that are cooling like T tree or witchazel because you will want to clean up after tears!And refer yourself to college counsellor or school counsellor now immediately and dont be fobbed off if they say they are busy or too busy to see you.Tears are good and also tell them you cant be ignored say "Its really urgent Im on the point of dropping out because no one is nice to me at all and I feel like an alien but infact I am a person! You CAN SEE Im a person can't you!"They will have to agree to that and then insist they book you an appointment.Keep the appointment and let them help you to sort it out.Try not to be demoralized by anything and I will hope your life improves.It can be terrible to be bullied.It happened to me and I should have known what to do but I didnt.It made my life hell at the time and later I realised that I should have asked a college counsellor for help.I am not shy or unsociable but one guy took a dislike to me and he worked it and worked it.I know now that he was creating a very false portrayal of my circumstances for his own gain and it was very uncomfortable for me!But that is not forever!So dont give up!If it doesnt work out any better then see about changing school or college because you are unhappy where you are now!i
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): Honestly, I really do understand you. I promise you, more people than you realise feel like this sometimes. Don't feel alone. Sometimes long, painful lonely phases just end when you least expect it. You never know what's around the corner. All it takes is to make one or two very special and genuine friends and you will feel absolutely cured. You just have to go for it, sweetie. Just try new things, talk to as many people as possible, and don't give up. The transition from feeling like you're simply existing to feeling like you're really living can be so quick.
Don't give up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): Are you attending college or still in high school? When you have a hard time making friends, you join clubs and social groups that share a common interest. That's what college is for, and high school is nothing but sports and social events. Learning opportunities and socializing is available to all students. If you avoid what's offered, you spend much time alone.
Most places of worship have youth groups to give young people a chance to mingle and have fun together. Most teenagers think these opportunities are lame; but when you have no friends, it makes no sense to think so.
Loneliness is curable. Lonely people who claim they try to make friends aren't really honest about that. They wait for others to make the first move, and if they don't; they just assume people don't like them.
Shyness has to be either outgrown, or professionally treated; when it hinders contact with others, or cripples you to the degree you are isolated from society.
Making friends takes some effort on your part, and it starts with being friendly and approachable. People don't have to be lonely. They can always find company, even if it's with people in their own family. If you just go to work and to school and ignore people the whole time; they just assume you'd rather be left alone. So that's what they do.
You have to reach out to people and be sociable. Trying to live a shy life is detrimental to your mental-health, and you simply have to overcome it. There is no way you can be surrounded by people all day, and not a single person makes any effort to be friendly. If they don't, it is only because you never show anyone you're open and friendly. You're closed-off.
If shyness is so profound that you can't overcome it, then you may need some counseling before your loneliness becomes desperation and depression.
I highly recommend that you make an appointment to chat with your school counselor or psychologist.
...............................
|
