A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused with life
writes:hi, i am a 39 year old mother of 2 kids... i met a wonderful man about a year ago.. he has been honest from the begening with me about his crossdressing, and i thought i could except it i really try, but recentally i have been having suspesions..... he seems to be very sneaky about things... he sneaks clothes out of the house when he goes to work, he says he goes for walks after work... sometimes he will get out of work at 2am and not get home till 5am... i have questioned him on many occasions about his sexual preferences he says he loves me very much and is not attraced to men at all... when we make love there is never any talk of anal sex or any-thing like that he is a very loving and affectinate man... its just sometimes i hear the little voice in my head telling me there is more going on... am i wrong? he dosent look at gay porn he has no gay freinds... i am so confused with all this.. i have been researching crossdressers and they say most are regular loving straight husbands.... i try to be supportive and loving and excepting of his crossdressing.... he is just so sneaky and i hate the fact i catch him in lies all the time about it....somebody please give me some advice....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): deidre1942 very good, and postive
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Much speculation has centered on why some people crossdress. No one knows for sure. While some cite hormonal or genetic factors, others favor environmental factors. It appears that for many the clothing serves as a “lens” to facilitate focusing upon and developing personality elements society has assigned to the opposite gender.
Human being are sexual creatures. Early on, many crossdressers find the activity sexually stimulating. However, research shows the sexual factor tends to become less prominent over time. Crossdressing is more a matter of personality than sexuality. For many the need to crossdress becomes a part of the self, just as musicians need to play music, writers need to write, or ballplayers need to play ball. A life without crossgender expression is to some as tragic as the life of a musician forced to live without music. Like musical talent, crossgender expression can be a real gift.
Crossdressers come from all walks of life, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds. The phenomenon dates back many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially some Native American tribes, they were highly respected as shamans. Most crossdressers are well-educated and come from conventional family backgrounds. The vast majority are heterosexual and most are, or have been, married. Most are happy in their masculinity, and only a small percentage opt to live as women full time. A few women are crossdressers, but they are much less numerous than their male counterparts. Perhaps this is due to the relative latitude society grants to women in matters of dress and self-expression.
The chief adjustment problem crossdressers face is societal attitudes. While these have been changing since crossdressers appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987, acceptance is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to families, jobs and friends, many crossdressers live shrouded in secrecy. Some crossdressers deny their feminine side and dispose of their clothing, only to return to crossdressing later, frustrated by the amputation of so significant a part of their personality. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are not knowledgeable about crossgender issues, cross dressers sometimes find themselves educating the therapist rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric drugs of benefit. There is no “cure” for crossdressing, and most crossdressers do not want one!
How a crossdresser’s wife (or girlfriend) accepts him depends on his own degree of insight and personal maturity, the strength of their relationship, and the way in which she learns about the crossdressing. Discovering his secret can send her on an emotional roller coaster ride of anger, fear, denial and grief.
She may feel it threatens her own femininity and the future of their relationship.
Open and honest communication is vital here.
Once a wife or partner realizes her mate isn’t leaving her for another man or for a new life as a woman, or taking risks that could destroy their financial and family life, the two of them can seek a balanced solution that suits their own unique needs and circumstances.
Healing comes when the wife or partner realizes that her mate is the same person she has always known, recognizes the risk her man has taken in revealing his innermost feelings, and appreciates the trust this represents.
Many of the traits that attracted her in the first place - sensitivity, kindness, appreciation of beauty, etc. - can now be seen as belonging to that “woman within.” Doc
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (28 July 2008):
 You're right, most male cross-dressers are neither gay nor transsexual.
I think the real question is, why does your guy feel a need to lie about it to you. That is the real problem. You need to get that out in the open and deal with it honestly or it will fester and kill your relationship.
I urge you to have a talk with him. Let him know that you are completely accepting of his habit, and even willing to support him in it. Be sure he knows that there is no need for him to lie to you about it. If you really love him, you love the whole package, and this foible is part of the deal. It's not likely to change, so I urge you to be as understanding and supportive of him as you can possibly be. This is something that many people in society do not understand; it's very important that he find loving acceptance from you.
Oh, and by the way, a couple of other points.
First he DOES have gay friends. So do you. So does everybody on this site, whether they know it or not. It's just a fact of life in the world today.
Second, the practice of anal sex does NOT indicate a tendency toward homosexuality. Many strictly heterosexual couples enjoy this particular form of sex on a regular basis.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): I don't see why a heterosexual male would have these tendencies and be OK. It's not normal. It's cheating because it's a stimulation he cannot share with you and he is enjoying in private which is very wrong. And even if he shared that with you I don't think a normal woman would ever like to see her man dressed in women clothing Ew! I don't know what else to tell you because I wouldn't have accept him in the first place. Nowadays people are accepting all kinds of weird things in their partners and then they end up complaining aboout it. I say relationships are complicated enough when 'normal' imagine adding an abnormality like this one to the picture.
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