A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have always been uncomfortable when talking to the opposite sex, especially when I am attracted to them. Once I get to know them better and have talked a few times, i become way more relaxed.This often makes me hestitant to start a conversation with any woman (esp those attracted to), and at times I will go out of my way to avoid it, by not going out etc.Not a great situation to be in (Esp. when single)Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the great advice guys, you have put a lot of time into your answers. I will have to try some of your suggestions and see how we go. You'd think at my age I would have overcome something like this by now wouldnt you! Oh well, I guess you are never too old to learn!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Stop looking at women as potential dates/mates and start viewing them as potential friends.
My friend was in a similar situation before. He got so nervous talking to women that he'd start sweating and his hands would start shaking uncontrollably. It was actually really bad, he hated it. The thing is most women don't mind that too much and some even find it cute. What was happening with him was he would just sit there ogling these women instead of talking to them because of his physical reaction to them. I basically told him to stop lusting after these women and go start talking to girls that he was not really attracted to. He had no problem talking to them because he wasn't overawed by their beauty. I told him to find girls he wasn't blown away by, but that he found "kind of" cute or as I described to him "doable" (the ladies will kill me for saying that).
It was successful too. You see his main problem was that he didn't really look at nice, average girls as potential lovers. He put too much pressure on himself to get girls that he'd "give his left arm for just one night with" his words not mine. Whenever he tried talking to these women that pressure was too great and he just lost it, too afraid of saying something wrong. When he opened his mind more and started talking to girls he wouldn't normally think of approaching because they weren't stunning beauties he found it a lot easier. These girls were much easier to talk to for him, because their level of attractiveness was not the overawing kind, they were normal women with beautiful qualities but wouldn't be picked for modelling contracts.
So he set about making some girl friends, getting to know girls like that with the intention of getting more comfortable in general with all women, talking to all the women around him regardless of attractiveness or not, that's when how he met his wife. She wasn't stunning as he said himself but she was really cool. They could talk for hours from the outset because they were very similar people in terms of sense of humour and attitude to life. At the end of that night he decided to ask her out purely on account of her being so great a person, he had a lot fun and the fact that made her beautiful in his eyes. In the end the more he got to know her the more physically beautiful she became to him and they're like two arms on the same body.
My point is this OP, start getting to know girls you're not necessarily attracted to but that are also not just downright not your thing. You'd surprized how beautiful an average looking woman can become when her personality is great. If it happens with all women regardless of beauty, then just practice, have a set few things you will always ask and just listen to their answers. Don't add anything to the conversation just ask them lots of questions about themselves and listen. Just get rid of this notion that women are potential partners, physical beauty is only one third (personality and shared interests are vital) of what makes a woman a potential partner. So view no woman as that because until you've investigated the other two aspects then no woman is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Think of women as just normal everyday human beings like they are. They'll eat like you, they probably like similar things that you like and what helps me get round everything is that they go to the toilet like you. I know this sounds absurd and obvious but everybody poops, this is what helps me to become comfortable around attractive people.
And you said it yourself that you find it easier once you get to know them, so what I suggest is you interact with a few more female friends, they don't have to be attractive if you don't want to, but then you'll realise how much in common you can have in common with some women and that'll make you feel comfortable around them. There is less fear of the unknown.
Anyways to be honest, most people are nervous of talking to an attractive member of their preferred gender of attraction, so you are far from alone, you have millions and millions of people who feel the same as you do! Now I believe in you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Pal youre putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Women dont usually expect too much from us guys. A simple "hello" and smile will work wonders to break ice... or even just a nice smile. Just something non verbal to let them know you could be friendly.
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