A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,Whenever I meet a new girl, we get to be friends and then i find out that she has slept with many people before me. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I feel like I get turned off? It's like I have this view that those who do not give into their sexual urges are superior to those who succumb to them for one-night stands. I shouldn't think like this. So in other words, I judge people and assume that she will essentially have sex with me and run off. However, I feel like I should give people the benefit of the doubt, and I don't. Is there anyway I can just be more accepting of this matter? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012):
I think the only thing that can allow you to be accepting is more experience and even that may not help.
I am a person who is also bothered a lot by casual sex. I try to find partners who think like me, but that can be hard because it's not something people advertise. I find women I think are conservative and demure and sometimes find out they were quite sexually active.
As I get older (39 now) I am building up my own experiences and I am becoming more accepting. However, in the end it is our own sense of morals and our own life experiences that shape them. Try to find a match.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): "Nothing wrong in being put off by certain things. I'm no fan of man whores either. But there's a difference in playboyish whoring around, and having the odd one night stand here and there, with years in between"
Yes that's true.
But there is also just as big of a difference between having the occasional ONS and only having sex in a few very deeply committed relationships in your lifetime.
Everyone has the right to their own standards on their sex life, including their own standards about who they wish to be involved with.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 When you don't know what you are talking about it is a given that you don't understand it, or know whether to accept it or not and how. You aren't giving into sexual urges are you? So you're holding yourself to a standard that you set for yourself. If you lower the standard for yourself, then the standard you hold for others will also be lowered. This doesn't mean that you need to run off and have sex, it just means that you can allow yourself to not be "perfect". By allowing yourself to be less than perfect, and accepting it within yourself, you can also accept it in others.
Nothing wrong in being put off by certain things. I'm no fan of man whores either. But there's a difference in playboyish whoring around, and having the odd one night stand here and there, with years in between.
Understanding someone comes from either a high level of empathy, or personal experience within the same field. If you haven't got any experience/knowledge about something it will be difficult to understand/accept it. Judgement comes from assumptions you make of someone/something. Judgement rarely if ever comes from hard facts. You can only ever be in a position to judge if you yourself have been there and judge yourself for it as well.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Have YOU ever experienced a "one-night stand?"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): Imagine a society that glorifies drinking to excess and is in denial about the major bad consequences that it is having on everyone. A non-drinker in that world would think he has a problem judging people when he looks down on them for abusing themselves like that. But he isn't really the one with the problem, no matter how much everyone else tries to tell him that he is.
In a society that glorifies casual sex, a chaste person would think he is the one with the problem too. But he isn't.
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