A
female
age
41-50,
*eace143
writes:im a 34 stay at home mom for 11 years. im grateful to raise my 3 kids, but im depressed being at home cleaning and taking care of the house. this last year i started drinking in the day.. at first it made cleaning more fun, but i need to change. i love my family, but i feel i need to do something for myself. i want to work!!!!! but my husband is not helping me with that, because they are young and need a babysitter.... so for the stay at home moms please help. how can i be happy doing what i do at home?????
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2015):
 I agree Flylady.com is the queen of clean! and her website can help making cleaning less of a "chore", simply by managing it right. Some of it is a bit over the top (even for me lol) but you can always find something useful.
Secondly, HOW young are your kids? If you have been a SAHM for 11 year some of them are in school, right?
Maybe consider a half-day job to start with, it will get you out of the house AND pay for the baby sitter/daycare + a little extra.
And I agree GO see your doctor, get a full work up done incl. hormonal balance.
No one (including your husband) can decide that YOU have to stay at home. Find a way to make it work for you.
Also, GET out of the house DAILY. I do a 1 hour walk in the morning after the kids and hubby have left. It's a nice way to start the day. If you have smaller kids, even better THEY need to get out there too and get some fresh air. Added bonus is that exercise makes you FEEL better.
Make a plan of what YOU want to do with you life - set some goals, and then WORK on getting it done.
If your husband doesn't work week-ends TAKE some ME-Time for a couple of house and leave the kids and house to him. You could leave a little chore list with him - like do a couple of loads of laundry, empty and put away the dishes, vacuum the living room (whatever). So MANY men who has a wife at home doesn't really seem to comprehend that it's actually WORK (and a BORING job at best) to keep the house clean and cook DAY in and DAY out.) Now that Me-Time doesn't HAVE to cost money. It can be popping in for a cup of tea/coffee with a friend, a trip to the library, window-shopping or heck, feeding the ducks at the local pond!
Thankfully my husband found out EARLY on in the marriage that I actually did a LOT about the house and with the kids and thus needed a break here and there. He still does it, even though my kids are older now (15-13-11).
I would also suggest that YOU and your hubby arrange some date-night with JUST the two of you. Again if yours/his parents can handle it maybe they can have the kids from Friday/Saturday/Sunday (or just 4-5 hours Saturday night).
But it ALL starts with you. YOU need to put yourself first. ( I know most moms really don't feel like they can do that - not once we have kids - but for a few hours here and there it's TOTALLY OK and a great way to recharge.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 October 2015):
 Have you thought about a party plan kind of work. That way you can plan your hours around your husband and the kids. Even if its not party plan things like Avon etc you don't even need to have a party. If your kids are young pop them in the pusher and off you go around the neighbourhood. Can be quite lucrative for some. Try blogging even, instead sit down with a coffee.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2015):
 One of my relatives is a stay at home mother with three children (they are perhaps a bit older than yours). She's found a great job in the medical field coding claim forms. She sets her own hours. The income allows her to get some freedom.
She does go out and meet up with other mothers in groups so that the kids and the mothers get out of the house and share the joys and the frustrations they face.
She is fortunate to have wonderful parents who often look after her children when she needs to go somewhere and can't find a baby sitter.
She loves this website http://flylady.net which encourages you to take care of yourself and break down the challanges of keeping house into manageable chunks.
She also has her children involved in cleaning their own rooms and doing chores in the house. Which is spotless. I mean SPOTLESS. She's got the organization down! Her Christmas presents are purchased and wrapped no later than the end of October. I cannot keep up with her!
Perhaps you can find other mothers to swap out childtending duties. Presumably some of your children are of school age so do that during the day. Swap out days, you'll have extra children to look after for a few hours on some days but on the other days, you can get out of the house and do what you'd like.
Do go see your family doctor to be checked for depression or hormonal imbalances or other underlying conditions. Of course, be honest with her about what's happening at home.
If you do need to work then perhaps you can find a job where the hours coincide with when your hubby is home so he can look after the children. Weekends and evenings are often hard to fill for some employers and that will get you out of the house and no babysitter is required as your hubby is home and able to tend the children.
Hope these ideas help and if not, that they spark other ideas that do!
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (6 October 2015):
 Hi,
i also forgot to mention, that you could employ in home based cleaning services, once per week, per fortnight, per month, whatever you can afford and prefer.
It obviously depends upon you and your husbands personal financial situation, because i am well aware, that raising 3 children is no easy feat, especially from a financial standpoint, but if it's going to help you, it's worth thinking about, even for the short term.
In relation to you drinking during the day, well this would have much to do with the level of stress/isolation, that you're feeling at present and have been, especially over the past year or so.
I truly feel/believe that if you are getting a regular break from everything and if you are happier, then your desire to drink through the day, would cease.
I am unsure as to how much you are drinking, but if it's a fair bit, (which i know you've not stated), this cannot be good for you, nor for your family's benefit.
If you feel, you have become somewhat addicted to drinking, then you may wish to think about seeking professional advice/assistance.
A simple trip to your local GP, would be the best starting point.
Please note, that i am by no means, accusing, nor judging you of anything, i am simply mentioning what you could do, if at all, anything that i've mentioned is the absolute case.
Obviously, only 'you' know, what is true and untrue.
Again, all the best and let me know how you go. :-)
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (6 October 2015):
Hi,
you could get involved in an online hobby/business, working solely from home, if your 3 children are still at home and not yet at daycare, pre-school(kindergarten), or primary school.
You could get involved in your local community, through your local council, with a Mums club, whereby you all meet weekly with your children, or alone and discuss different matters of importance, or simply talk about nothing of significance and just 'hang out' and have fun!
Have you thought about placing all 3 of your children in some sort of pre-school, day care type facility, perhaps for 2 or 3 days a week and only for half day, or a bit longer?
If you had the means to do this, by way of your husbands support, both financially and emotionally, you could actually have some important time out and you could do focus on a true love/hobby online.
(You'd want to check, if you'd be able to claim a certain percentage, of child minding money spent, come tax time.)
My gf has 3 children, all under 6 yrs of age, she is a stay at home Mum too, but she and her husband have decided to place their 3 children in daycare 2 times per week, all day, just so she can have a well deserved break from one of the hardest jobs on earth, being a Mum, especially a full-time Mum!
She runs a lingerie business online and she absolutely loves what she's doing.
She always tells me, how sexy she is feeling again!
She no longer feels the monotony and drudgery of every day life and she is enjoying being a Mum even more now!
She enjoys her kids way more and she is much more relaxed and patient than she used to be.
She told me recently, that she now truly looks forward to spending every single moment after work with them, as she's had time to really miss them, hence improving her relationship with them, when they're all re-united, but above all, she now feels much more relaxed and patient.
Overall, having had that all important 'time out' for herself, has not only brought her even closer to her kids, but her relationship with her husband, has blossomed even more.
Overall, it's definitely a win/win situation.
A woman begins to feel happier, feel more supported, appreciated and she begins to get in touch and in tune with her inner-self again, so how can any of this be bad?!
Her entire family, in turn, will feel happier too.
A happy mummy, means a happy family. :-)
Many mums, feel somewhat anxious and even guilty, at the mere thought of leaving their children elsewhere, whilst they study, or work, but you should never feel any angst, nor guilt, because you are a very busy and hard working Mum and you so deserve a bit of 'me' time.
You are not giving up, nor abandoning your children.
You are simply doing something for yourself, that in the end, will actually enhance your relationship with your entire family.
If people say things to you and try to pursuade you not to do anything, except be a full-time Mum, please don't listen to them and their antics.
'You' do what's best for 'you', what makes 'you' feel good and feel happier overall.
It's best that you don't indulge others, in your personal pursuits anyway.
You would be doing it by day anyway and your children would be in safe hands, being taken care of by professionals.
You can even check out different day care, or pre-school care facilities, prior to making any commitments.
Somewhere close to your home, would obviously be ideal and much more convenient for you, to drop off and pick up.
These are a few ideas and i personally think this would benefit you and your situation, because you wouldn't be away from your children all day, every day and you'd be doing something for 'you'.
You could also think of employing a mentally mature, reliable, reputable and trustworthy child minder, or baby sitter a few times per week, whilst you do what 'you' want, either within your home, or outside of your home.
Personally, i would encourage you to leave your home for a number of hours, as long as you feel you require, because this way, you are truly getting your time out, time to yourself.
If you are still at home and your children are present, and they, knowing you are too, you won't really get absolute time to yourself and the noise level may get in the way of you having a quiet break from being a Mum.
I have numerous other ideas too, but i think that these few, are worth thinking about and perhaps discussing with your husband.
Let your husband know that you are going to start doing a few things for yourself and this in no form and/or shape, will ever take away from you being a fantastic and devoted Mum, it's just that you are at a stage now, whereby you want to focus on yourself a bit more and this by the way, is not selfish of you at all, so don't allow anybody to tell you otherwise.
You do know the old sayings,
"If you don't take care of yourself first and foremost, noboy else will."
and in Australian slang, we say,
"If you aren't in good nick, you are of no good use to anybody else,"
Basically, this means,
"If you don't take care of yourself, first and foremost, then how on earth, will you be able to take care of others around you?"
I hope my response, helps you to some degree.
All the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, StatueGal76 +, writes (6 October 2015):
 Well, there are online companies where you earn a check, but I don't know if a career is what you need? Perhaps you just need a more social group Mommyand Me classes, a college course where you can exchange ideas instead of patience.There is a confidence that comes w/ a job tho. Some of us need that validation and its rude for your spouse to think that by not helping you, it will go away magically. I would be equally disappointed by his lack of cheering skills after he would have been cheered on by you. Some guys also feel like its a loss of control. If your marriage is shaky, a job may make him feel like he isn't your sole support and that you can get money w/out him. This can upset men's egos. Comfort him and talk more and more- even if it is uncomfortable.
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