A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I be a better mom? I am disturbed by my ex husband. I've gone through a lot. He kicked me and our son when the child was an infant from our home. It was late night when I had to pack clothes and my son in a carriage to walk to my parent's house. He walked out, leaving me with an infant, unemployed and new to everything. He gave me a divorce. I've been unable to live on my own eversince. He has tortured me psychologically and emotionally. He knew how to sleep on the couch and totally rejected me by pushing me out of his side. I've begged him only to receive humilliating rejection. I feel he used me sexually after the divorce. He mocked me with the other woman and offended me. He took advantage of my vulnerability. I never wanted to be a single mom, and all that time I've remained single, alone, in solace. Remembering, tortured with memories of the past, unable to be emotionally present for my son. Although he bought me to court, made my life a living hell, which I know he got total satisfaction just to see me beg for him not to take our son, it turns out that he's not showing up anymore. What do agony aunts think of this? He always threw the fault at me for not allowing him to be a "father" for his son. Years later, and I am still in shock, disbelief, anger, deception, sadness. I feel that time passed by quickly on me, yet I am still surrounded by the pain he caused. I am always bitter, angry, everything ticks me. I am glad I have my parents who's literally raising my son. I am just involved physically, but emotionally I totally unattached. Why to my anger? Because I didn't make this child alone. When he is sick and I get up in the middle of the night, I get upset. Not at my child but when I imagine my ex sleeping, lying on a bed, getting his sleep while I am messed up with a crying sick child. That is what bothers me. I wonder when will I ever get over this. I would like to find a new partner. I want to know what it feels like to be trully loved, taken in consideration, what it feels like to be nurtured, and respected? I don't know what that is. I always wanted to have a home, a family. But all is broken and that is how I feel inside. I've had the opportunity to reject my ex when he had the nerve to pull me back into his abuse. I am full of anger. I don't know if this will ever end. I live a very lonely life. I don't have friends, I don't have family other than my mother who I can confide in, I don't have a social life. All I have is myself and my thought to boil in. It's been a hell of a life and every day I pray to god for the day to end quick because I am scared of life. I am miserable and I wonder when the misery would end. I lost hope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): HiYou have been very badly abused and have scars. He put you in hell BUT you are the one choosing to stay in hell.You want to know love and respect....THEN LOVE YOUR GIFT OF A CHILD and he will RETURN LOVE to you. You look for romantic love.....when you have real love in your hands already....you can't see it or feel it because you are staying in hell which is in your mind. Think!!!!!!!!! new thoughts....you have a son to wake up to each morning and kiss goodnight....a true blessing ...Do not say you are lonely when many people are not blessed with children...ungrateful and selfish could be two negative attitudes to let go of and instead of praying to god for the days to end quick....pray for them to be new and wonderful each day ....you have life....do you wake up knowing you will never see...never walk...never live long enough to see your child grow? Are you to old to fall in love again? are you housebound so can not meet new friends? THE ANSWER IS NO .....YOU ARE CREATING YOUR OWN HELL BY DARK THOUGHTS.....CHANGE YOUR MIND ....LET YOUR HEART OPEN AGAIN....AND YOU WILL FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT.........And remember there is another little soul that NEEDS LOVE not JUST YOU......no sympathy from me because you are to immersed in your OWN SUFFERING...time to wake up! and be a beautiful NUTURING mother THE GREATEST ROLE ON EARTH.via con dios
A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (11 April 2009):
 To start off, i am sorry for what you went through. My mother went through a similar experience. I can't give you advice as a woman, but i can give it to you in the eyes of a child who went through what your child is probably going through. I was young then and use to blame my mom for everything, even the anger i had developed inside myself. You do not want your child to blame you like i did to my mom. Your child needs you more than ever now. Stop being selfish (sorry for being mean) and start thinking about the child you brought to this earth.
Yes, it is nice to have a family but what you need to do now is concentrate on you and your child; not in finding another guy. If you keep that mentality of NEEDING a complete family, you might end up with some one who is the same if not more abusive than your ex-husband. Remeber that right now the only people you truly need is your child and yourself. When you work out your inner problems and bond emotionally with your child you can start working on fitting in another person in your life.
It is easy to sit and take pity on yourself but that does you no good. What your husband did was truly horrible but take that as a learning experience be stronger! Not only for yourself but for your child as well. Know that you've been hurt so bad that there are few things left that could hurt you any worst. So come out of that self-pity and selfish mentality and love your child.
Men, there will be others. Friends are not necesarry. But your child will eventually grow up and you will regret not showing the love you had for him. So take the opportunity now to make those beautiful lasting memories with him.
I don't know if this will help, but it's just how i see it. I know it is not easy to pick your self up but please TRY for your sons sake.
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