A
female
age
30-35,
*luffyPie
writes:My boyfriend wants to marry me and and wants us to live with his parents, all together. His parents like me, but I have a prejudge concerning the "mother-in-law/son's wife" wars, I'm afraid she might start to hate me. I have concrete examples in my family, and honestly, I don't want to go through any of that.I don't know how to cook, I don't know how to use a washing machine (not because I don't have one, but my mother does the laundry and she showed me once how to use the buttons, but I ignored it), I'm lazy and spoiled (I'm in my last year of college and my parents still consider me their little girl), I'm clueless when it comes to household duties, such as bills, basic needs like what food we need, buying cleaning products, detergents etc. Also, we can't afford to buy a house or paying rent for a house, so until that moment, I said to myself I won't take this step, getting married that is. Hell, I don't even have a job for now, since I want to focus on my final exams.I know it sounds immature from me. I'm not willing to get married this year, so if we get married, we're gonna do it next year and he's OK with it. He wants to marry me so we could be together non-stop. I just don't know how to tell him that I don't want to stay with his family. I mean, I love him so much, and he loves me, but I refuse to live with his parents. I just want to have a good relationship with them, only the "bare necessities" conversation, but I would definitely feel uncomfortable if I had to see them everyday, especially if they want to get involved in our relationship. I know, every family has their habits, it's all about adjusting my lifestyle to theirs, but if that means to start fighting with his mother, I cannot possibly accept it. I'm not the offender type of person, so I don't think I'll be the one to start a war wit her.Please, any advice on how could I approach this subject ? I need to explain to him without getting him upset that the presence of his parents in the same house terrifies me. I know what it is said about mothers-in-law and you're probably laughing while reading this article, but she's like a MOTHERINLAWZILLA to me, even if, for now, she's all sweet and kind when we meet. I'm scared of conflicts with her.
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (18 August 2010):
FluffyPie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for your answers.
Indeed, I should start to learn basic things like cooking or laundering, but I'm just not ready, at least not now, thus I'd be an obnoxious wife & daughter-in-law. I really need to focus on my exams. My boyfriend knows is, he's not pressuring me, he's just being realistic by wanting to live with his parents, since we cannot afford a house of our own. I'll keep in mind the option of living with them for a short period of time, and after that, after I'm done with school, I'll find a job as well (my boyfriend's already working) and HOPEFULLY get a house, with help from both sides, my parents and his.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 You would be surprised to find out many married couples don't know how to cook. I have stayed with a family and I ate some brick like steak and thought "how could you eat that?". I looked around and everybody was fine and didn't complain. As long as they are edible they don't care if it tasted right.
His mother in law needs to have a realistic view of you. She probably grew up making meals since she was a little girl. As long as you are humble and honest upfront about what you can and not do, also willing to learn new things, they are not going to judge you as that spoiled college girl.
You can explain to your boyfriend that you would feel more comfortable after you become skilled at domestic duties. Ask if you could visit his place just to get his family better. Not everybody fights in a family. For some people, inlaws never mix. I believe it's healthier if everybody can get along and have flowing conversation. Don't assume a defensive pose until you try to have a relationship with his parents.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Tell him or show him your post.
IF you DO move in with your in-laws, talk to her. Maybe she can TEACH you how to cook. How to wash clothes and so on. Don't you think it's about TIME you learn some of these simple things?
Personally I would NEVER want to live with my in-laws. I adore my FIL, but live with him? Nu uh, rather shoot myself in the foot.
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