A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I need some help making a big decision in my life. Has anyone ever seen that movie Made of Honor? Well, that's kind of the situation I'm in with my boyfriend of the last decade. We're the best of friends and do everything together, but no matter how well we hit it off, it's never moved forward. I have no doubt he loves me just as much as I love him, but I know he's in a comfort zone and he's not really prepared to change anything in his life right now, everything's working for him.I'm in my late 20's.. pushing 30 and my biological clock is ticking. I feel I was BORN to be a mother and I simply can't wait for the chance to be a parent. I'm a firm believer in not making that kind of commitment until I'm in the right place in my life and right now I'm far from it... but I feel that because of my age, I really need to hurry up and make some big changes!I wish right now that I could be living with the man I love, talking about starting a family, enjoying life here.. the same as me and my boyfriend do now, only with the commitment and direction we don't have. I feel I've found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it seems impossible to actually have a serious conversation about our future together. I'm also a new graduate. I did exceptionally well in my study, graduating with honours and now I'm being sought after by employers around the country. I was offered a job today, the best foot in the door I could hope for, but it's in a tiny little town on the other side of the country and it'll be a big move for me. I would be going alone and it's basically choosing between this thing I have with my boyfriend or a potential career in my chosen field. Lack of commitment from my boyfriend aside, I'm still very happy in the life I have here with him.. the things we do together and how happy he makes me.. but I know that after a decade of my love and unconditional loyalty, I need to step up and tell myself I deserve more.. and go after what I want.. and if he cannot promise me the future I want for myself and cannot commit to being a part of it, I have to move on and open myself up to meeting someone else.I'm also considering travelling. He's talking about us moving to the other side of the world for an overseas experience. I'm not sure how serious he is about this though, as there's visa problems and he's been TALKING about us doing this for YEARS now without any real outcome.I want the little family, I want to travel, I want to challenge myself careerwise. I want all three. Trouble is, if I take this job, I'll be on minimum wage starting out in the industry, so that means I sacrifice my relationship (as it's so far away) and also the chance of saving for a house OR travel. It seems I can only choose ONE thing :(Please help. I'm really in despair here about what I should do. When I'm with my boyfriend, all we do together is laugh and joke. He's the only person in my life that I'm truely happy being around.. that I can truely be myself around. I happen to think what we have is very special and I don't want to just walk away from that.. but everybody in my life is telling me it's something I have to do.. that he's given me nothing to stay for. It's easy when you're in love to think what you have is the most special thing in the world.. I think love can really blind you.Any advice is appreciated. Thanks
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Life is hard. Sometimes you have to make some difficult decisions, and sacrifice something important to you for something else important to you. It is hard, because you can never be certain if you are making the right decision or not. You just have to go for it and see what happens. You could go for the job and move across the country and hate it when you get there. Or you could stay where you are now, be happy with your partner but always wonder what else you could've done. You could go travelling alone, but find it hard as you miss your partner.
What struck me is that I think you should talk to your partner about all of this. You say he has talked about moving to another country but has never done anything about this. You could be guilty of the same. Perhaps he secretly wants to go out and try new things, but is in a comfotable place where he is right now, and is afraid of upsetting it.
You have been together for 10 years. You should not be afraid to REALLY open up to him. You say it is impossible to have a serious conversation about your future together. You have to change this. You need to get his attention, sit him down, and open up about your true feelings. Tell him everything you have written here. Tell him you are torn and in a real dilema because you love him very much, he makes you very happy etc. But tell him that you need change in your life. You want to challenge yourself career wise and travel and one day, have a family. If you want him to be a part of this, he needs to know your hopes and dreams. Tell him you want him to be a part of this, but you are afraid he will not want to do these things with you and that you will have to choose between your dreams and your life with him.
Hopefully he will listen to you and will be able to open up about his true hopes for the future and you can work things out together. Just go for it, be honest, don't worry about his reaction. If he's the lovely guy that he sounds to be, he will understand where you are coming from and you can go from there. Life is too short to wonder what if. Its easy to say don't ever compromise your dreams for someone else, but if you have a strong loving relationship with someone wonderful, that can be worth more than anything else the world has to offer. And if he truely is that wonderful guy, he will not want you to compromise your dreams, but will help you achieve them.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Wow that's a toughie, could you do a long distance relationship? And see each other every weekend or two? You have been together for so long that I think your love will be able to cope. I don't think you should leave your boyfriend as real love doesn't come around very often and when it does you should grab it with both hands. Have the two of you spoke about getting married? Is there anyway you could find a job closer to home as it seems like you have many employers pestering you so you have to pick which one is best for you circumstances, even if it is not the best one. Good luck!
...............................
|
