A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd appreciate your comments/insight into the emotions I've been feeling lately about my new bf of 2 months, and some advice on how to make myself less worried, please. Everything is going great, I think he's lovely, and he's told me he's "smitten" and thinks I'm "awesome". Last night, I stayed at his place, and as we were falling asleep, I started feeling really sad, almost like I might cry. Earlier that night, he'd been talking to me about his previous relationship with a girl who basically used him as a butler, cheated on him and put him down a lot despite asking him to marry her, and he was saying he was kinda glad that happened (even though it sucked) 'cos otherwise we wouldn't have met. Then he asked me about my last relationship, which lasted 8 years, and ended 11 months ago when the guy cheated on me after telling me he wanted us to get married. I have moved on and am no longer upset by how things ended. Anyway, for some reason, later on I felt really sad. I think the conversation made me remember that you can think you're really happy, but then it can all go wrong and end, and I feel like I don't want that to happen with this guy. I didn't mention any of this to him, as I don't want to sound clingy or scare him off, and I want to be a stronger person. So instead, I gave him a big hug, he gave me a kiss, we snuggled up and fell asleep.So I'd love some advice on: what I can do to reassure myself that I should just enjoy our relationship for what it is and not worry about future what ifs?; what I can do to not need to seek reassurance from him?; and what I can do to keep this amazing happiness going?Thank you so much, and sorry if this all sounds stupid. xx
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 This is not stupid at all. In fact, I have been in a similar situation myself. My fiance and I started dating almost two years ago and in the beginning it was hard for me to not walk away. I didn't want to get hurt again. But, you can't always feel that way. I would take a negative thought and try to figure out why I felt that way. It usually stemmed from my past relationships. After that, I would think of how kind and generous my current man is. This helped a lot, I mean we're getting married! Good luck!
A
female
reader, audrey21  +, writes (21 October 2010):
It doesnt sound stupid at all. We all have past relationships and hearbreaks that we will always remember you will never really forget them. But its happened and its the past, and now is your chance to fall in love with someone again. You dont know what will happen with this guy, its still so new! BUt just enjoy the feeling of the newness the unknown. Take things slow, be yourself, get to know each other and dont tell him things about past relationships until you are absolutly ready. Just enjoy the possibility of what could be. and if you are not compatible and dont work out, then so be it. There is someone out there that will make you feel amazing!!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 October 2010):
 It sounds like you are feeling insecure because of what your last boyfriend done to you which is totally understandable but not all men are like that sweetie. Its a hard thing to be cheated on and it does mess up your head but just try and not let this ruin your new relationship.
I suggest going to see a therapist for your insecurities before they get any worse, only a couple sessions should do you and it would be good for you to talk openly and honest about it with a proffesional.
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