A
female
age
41-50,
*eganQ
writes:I guess a little intro is due just to understand better, so here goes..I just got out of a 3yr relationship about 3 weeks ago. I hadn't been happy with a lot of things but I tried staying in the relationship and make things work, only the problem wasn't with me but with the lack of implication from my partner. When I finally got to the point where I realized I no longer loved him, I broke it off. We've decided to stay friends because we have a lot of friends in common.I'm someone who doesn't like to see other people hurt or inflict pain on people. Not in the sense that if you're going to do something stupid I won't do anything. That's far from it, I'll speak my mind and tell you the truth even if that hurts because it's for your benefit. But if you're already hurting, I'm not the type of person to add pain to injury. Here's the thing, when I broke up with him he told me he still loves me then he tried to convince me that the reason it took me so long to tell him I wanted to break up was because I didn't really want to and wanted to stay with him. So, even though I originally didn't want to tell him I no longer loved him (because I didn't want to hurt him even more than I knew I was going to by breaking it off) I ended up telling him that I no longer loved him.I'm ready to look around. Not necessarily to jump into a long-term relationship at the moment, but I'm definitely ready to get to meet some new people.My question would be..not how to not hurt him cuz I'm realizing he probably will be hurt when he hears I'm meeting new people...but how can I avoid the awkward moments if we do group activities.. although as I'm writing this I think I'm coming to the realization that there's no way to open him to it gently nor to not have an awkward moment. I also don't think i should put my life on hold any longer during the time he adjusts. Don't think it would be fair to me.Am i wright in thinking this?Thanx for your help
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female
reader, MeganQ +, writes (27 February 2009):
MeganQ is verified as being by the original poster of the question, k_c100 - Thanks a bundle, very good advice. I'll stick with it and get me some me time ^_^
I think I really needed to hear that.
Thanks again ^_^
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Well yes you are right in thinking this as if you want to stay friends and still socialise in the same group of friends then you will be hurting him and it will be akward. He didnt want you to leave hence if he sees you with someone else it will be pretty horrible for him.
Staying friends with an ex is never the best idea, it always causes more problems than it is worth. If you can socialise in groups that he is not involved with that would be a huge help to both of you. But if this is not an option then I think personally you should show him some respect by not dating anyone for at least 2-3 months.
This seems like a long time and it may seem excessive however you were together 3 years....this is a long time! Surely you must have had some good times, and surely you must be finding it hard too now you have broken up.
Too many people are making the mistake of jumping into new relationships/dating after they have been single for a matter of weeks - not only is this disrespectful to the ex but also a terrible idea as the new person will only be a re-bound.
While you may feel like your life is on hold, this seems to me like a strange thing to say. You have split up with someone who was clearly holding you back and now you are free to do as you please - without a man in your life! Why replace one man with another? It makes no sense to do this! And most importantly, living life is not all about dating! Dating should be a small part of your life! You need to be on your own for a while, learn about yourself again, do hobbies/activities you have not done for years, learn to enjoy life on your own and once you have achieved this you can start bringing new men into the picture.
But even if you dont take this on board, make sure you do one thing: Dont date his friends! Or any mutual friends! Only date entirely new people (people he has never met) and this way you wont have as many issues between you and your ex.
I hope this helps!
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