A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well here is one for you. i am in my fourties and for best part of my life i have been in bossy abusive marriages been married twice first was very violent and the second well he was a control freak and he only hit me a few times and one head butt all one to much but i stayed and i had to get out for sake of kids,been on my own now for two years and my confidence and self esteem is higher than it has ever been.for the last year i know this feller that was just that a feller that i knew, a mate if you will. not always around but if i saw him i talk to him ( guess i had a lil thing going on for him) but it was never aired or even recognised.. he was in an abusive relastionship him self and was boarding getting out but he fell sick with something serious, and the girl he was with looked after him.. and he just coming out of it now. but recently him and me have really hit it off, we get on so well that the spark that i felt he felt it too and we want to be together and we have fallen in love, now thing is he still in the situation that i knew he was in before i went and let myself fall in love, and the girl he with has a thyroid problem and is sick and he feels like he has to stay untill she is better and cannot leave her like this, which I can't and wont argue with, i certainly wont put on any pressure... i believe he wants to be with me but you know i do wonder if anytime will be the right time and if he has the bottle to do it when she gets better,,, oh i had the leave him to it till he gets out, he never gonna leave her and all the useuall, but i gut instict tells me he is genuine and he does want out of there, he not happy at all, i guess really there is no answer but to leave him to decide what to do. but aint it typical you meet a guy that your feeling totally compatable with and he with someone else happy or not taken. it is very tough on my side it probs tough on his. i do wish i could advise him on what to do. wish i could advise me on what to do lol i am cluess is life meant to be this bad eh?
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confidence, self esteem, spark, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate, the guy in question was just a liar, shallow and just messed me around and played with my feelings, one day i had been with the ex something to do with the kids, and he just sent me a text saying that he was backing off, and did just that, gave back the key he had to my home, and had the gall to call me names when i kicked off, and i did kick off i let him have it, i wanted revenge i wanted him back, life turned upside down, i found out he had just swoped me for someone else, was visting the girl that did not want him when he hooked up with me, told me all sorts of shite, its been8 months and i am well over him, he is at the moment sniffing round but i will never go back there, what i am finding hard now is where do i go next i feel like my looks are fading, and the othe guys i meet are on the net, and i dont feel it, happy with just being me and the kids but i want more,,went out last night, my mate got more attention than me cos she is loud and not afraid i just to quiet, but end of the night a guy nice looking probs a bit young for me i did not know well he told me to enjoy myself, so i thought sod it and i did, he was lovely, danced with me shared a kiss eek i thought he asked me to go outside with him,, god i was like a kid, what do i do, i did not go,made an exuse then he came to look for me, then i thought god woman get a grip, so i went outside, he just wanted a kiss and a grope, was kind of nice, but then i was like where can this possible go, so i gave the hands of signal, and he i have to say was an absolute gent, backed off, said he like to spend the night, could come back to mine, i had to say no cos i had kids in the house, he said we be quiet, but i did have kids all over that night my teen in the lounge and my kids in there room and my bed, looked like i was making exuses, he kissed me again, felt really nice but scared of leading him on, but again a complete gent, but it made me think how out of the loop i am,, what is right, what do u do, is this behaviour ok i know a relationship wud never have come from this but i was thinking chance for a bit of fun i dont know felt good but strange all at the same time. advice thoughts appeciated, x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you. you have answered just as i expected, i guess i was waiting for the omg what are you doing woman, but yes i am sensible lol,, i honest think it will work out in the end and it is a case of being pateint and enjoying the hassle free life while i can, thanks for your time hun xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Hilife not so bad...you said your self esteem tc the highest it has been, so thats great. You sound like a sensible lady ,let him sort his own life out and you just get on with yours and have fun. If you are meant to b together in the future you will be.Enjoy the hassle free life while you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni read this all back to myself and it reads really bad, i am not at all very good at writing and telling others what is happening., but yes i was in abusives relastionships and i had to get out and two years i have been on my own. for the last 12 months i just been chatting to a guy that knows a friend and yes he was in an abusive relastionship himself, he far from happy, but like i say he got sick and the girl that he was leaving well she did not know cos he just wanted out well she looked after him, and he is now better than he was, but she has fallen sick now. and he does feel a duty to stay and make sure she is ok. but the prob is that yes we were just friends and over time that has sparked into a lot more we only hooked up about 12 weeks ago, it hard to just ignore what and how you feel, you tell yourself you doing wrong and yet why does it feel right..because i know he has always been truthfull it makes me belive him when he tells me we shall be together but it gonna take time. and of course i want all and i want it now.. i just dont know how to cope with all the negative feelings and i do get them even when he is telling me that he is going mental there, and that he wants out but cannot just yet. begs me to be patient. and part of me well i can be cos i always been on my own am used to it. so may be a partime lover is not so bad. i keep wanting to tell him just tell her but i cannot put that pressure on him so i guess i asked a pointless question and a pointless follow up cos what am i asking here i do not really know, should i stay and hang in or should i say look hey i love you but i cannot do this it hurts to much. but i do believe he wants out dam life is hard thanks for listening to me drone on xx
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