A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts. This guy and I met 4 months ago and things have been moving really smoothly infact, better than I had predicted. He checks on me a lot, calls me often and its the first time I've been in a relationship where the guy is so into me. We haven't had sex yet and are waiting till we are both comfortable but we are intimate and have great chemistry. Three days ago while chatting, he said something about all blondes being dumb blondes. I'm blonde. I know it was supposed to be a joke, but I told him it wasn't a funny joke. This is the second or third time he's cracking this sort of 'joke'. Then I told him on this occassion that if blondes were so dumb, maybe he shouldn't be dating one. I was also joking at this point. He didn't speak to me for 2 days. When I got tired, sent him messages which he received but didn't reply to. Also, he's stopped picking my calls. Finally sent him a text saying if what we had meant anything to him, he should just let me know where we stand, he replied and said his feelings for me have changed and that I caused everything! I don't want to contact him again but its taking everything in me not to do so. I really like him a lot but I thought he loved me as much. Now, I'm so confused. What do I do?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Jokes are often a way of taking an unpopular hateful idea and making it mainstream and common. It's like a virus, a few people hear a bigoted joke and start thinking, oh well it's OK then to think women with blonde hair are stupid or jews are stingy or Mexicans are lazy. Don't fall for the whole being called humorless thing. Negative stereotypes of oppressed groups aren't funny and you shouldn't laugh at them just to fit in or make a guy like you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 February 2012):
 You chalk this up to an interesting life experience whereby you learned that some guys just aren't worth spending time with, or even thinking about....
Then, you get on with you life....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much. I was beginning to think I was the one who said the wrong thing. I wouldn't contact him and if he does, would keep y'all updated. I feel a lot better after reading your responses.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 He told a joke, you found it offensive, you told him this.. now he doesn't want to see you again.
DUMP HIM! People who offend and don't care, guys who run off without explanation, aren't people who bring quality to your life and are not people you should want to be around. You haven't done anything wrong, but the guy is a self-centred arrogant idiot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): He's an ABUSER. You can't even call him on his sh*t behaviour without him punishing you.
A narcissist is not healthy and therefore is incapable of loving healthily.
You stood up for yourself and laid down your boundaries of respect and what you expect in treatment and he calls it blames you for changing his feelings?
You have a healthy, responsible, accountable, adult response and with direct communication on expectations and he comes back with trying to guilt you after putting you down? Denies you his companionship?
YAH DITCH THE JERK.
You can and WILL find someone better.
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/10/charmer-abusers-and-their-prey.html
http://infidelity.lifetips.com/cat/7622/honesty-and-trust/index.html
http://www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (11 February 2012):
 He is immature. Let him go before you invest too much time in a relationship.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 He doesnt love you and you should really ask him to strap on a pair. This guy's an ass, he cracks silly jokes and if he's fine with cracking such jokes, then he should deal with your reactions in the right spirit too. He should be the one calling and saying that he's been silly. Don't bother with him, he's really not worth it OP.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 February 2012):
 He can't take what he gives out. Hang out with someone else.
Lame personality and hypocrite.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 February 2012):
 A dumb joke is enough to turn me off. Not that the joke would have any way pertain to the real you, it's his tackiness. There is no graceful response to this joke. To lessen his guilt he blamed you for the disconnect. Some men are pressured to have the best pick up lines and jokes to impress a girl. Maybe he got so nervous that the blonde joke was the only one he could come up with. Since you were not impressed with his joke he thought you were not the woman for him, well obviously who would be impressed by this joke. I don't look at it as just innocent, small comment that ruined the date. It's how clueless he is about the impact of his words on others. Instead of apologizing for the stupid joke, he says it's your fault for not appreciating his sense of humor. Who wants a guy like this anyway?
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