A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do you think a man can love you if he sleeps with his ex within weeks of you splitting? And then meeting another, 10 yrs older than he, and uses them for sex then tells you he isn't interested in them for anything but sex. He smokes dope with her which he never did when I was with him! He was always anti-drugs. He takes her to the same restaurant we both loved? Then he tells me on the other hand, he still loves me and always will. He says he is using this person to bounce off of because everyone needs someone to bounce off of to restore their confidence and he would have me back in a flash.How would you interpret all of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies.
We have just got on good talking terms after 4 months and he rang me yesterday for 3 hours and we cleared the air a lot.
Even saw him at the pub last night and we had a laugh with others too and it didnt phase me about the people hes been with since, told him its good isnt it, that we can talk about things like that and it doesnt have a bad effect. Told him i will be here as a mate anytime he needs. But thats all it would ever be now. So hes clear with that and he knows i never go back with exes anyway. I only go forwards in life.
Ive got no feelings for him like that anymore but i guess i just wondered why he or anyone really actually uses sex to get over someone.
Its the last thing on my mind at the moment. Was only telling him on the phone yesterday i have had chances when ive been out to bring someone home but the next person i sleep with will be someone im in a relationship with. But i understood everyone deals with getting over people differently. But i guess i dont really! haha
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (8 September 2007):
Hmm its hard to say if he does love your or not. Its like saying 'does a guy who beats his wife up realy love her?'...I mean he is human, he is CAPABLE of love. He could very well love her. However eveeryone has their own meaning for love, some not so healthy while others meaning is much more healthy.In the case of my example above, an abusers version of love isnt realistic or healhty. And in your case, if your ex does love you in any way, I wouldnt say its a 'healthy love'- a love that you deserve! What he is doing is pretty wrong I think. And he obviously hasnt been a very honest person if hes going around donig drugs when he left you with the impression he was very against them. Either hes not a honest person or gives into presure from other poeple, and if thats the case well...do you realy want to be with a 'man' who cant sya no? Or I guess he could of taken drugs because he felt so lost and didnt know what else to do to fix his problems...but then again I find that hard to believe that someone who was so against them would still resort to doing them.The fact that he took her to the same restaurant that you both loved makes me think that maybe he thinks he could impress he because you loved it so much, so why wouldnt she? He may not feel the same way you do about the restaurant- it being sort of your 'own special restaurant'. As for his excuse to need to sleep with someone else to build up his confidence- if he HONESTLY beleives that then he has been sooooo mislead in life. There are PLENTY of other ways to boost your confidence....perhaps he doesnt know them, or perhaps he does and is using this as a lame excuse.Honestly darling...he doesnt sound like a good guy to be with, despite whatever good moments you two may of shared in the past.Think of all of what he has done that you wrote about in your post as symbolic of the type of person he is and what is yet to come if you stay with him...doesnt sound like a bright future to me unfortunately :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): In my opinion you should be grateful you have split up from him and keep it that way.
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