A
female
age
41-50,
*aith5
writes:Ok I've been with this man for 21yrs! We have 3 beautiful kids, we were together for 8 before we married then last year I divorced him! He's never cheated on me and worked hard to be a good provider! But the last 4yrs have been heck! He got drunk,became violent and tore up stuff,he's so quick to anger,yell and cuss! This summer our kids went to visit him and his new found girlfriend and saw him a totally different dad! How does he be so loving cool calm and understanding with another but have no patience and understanding with me after all we've been through! I'm having a real problem with that! And although were back together I can't let it go!
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cheated on me, divorce, drunk, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, faith5 +, writes (22 August 2010):
faith5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (22 August 2010):
 I'm glad you are getting some counseling, you may actually want to go see a psychologist specializing in family/marriage counseling. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, faith5 +, writes (21 August 2010):
faith5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe r we start counseling session with our pastor on tuesday! I respect ur feedback and thanks ohgetreal!
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (21 August 2010):
See there is were you are wrong. Men in their thirties do not change when they are abusive, it is their CHARACTER, which means they have bad character, they don't care about you and they abuse. He isn't going to change, everytime you get back together you are entering to an even MORE dysfunctional relationship and the enevitable result of that is harm to you, possibly to your kids.
Get some therapy, and maybe you'll figure it out that way.
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A
female
reader, faith5 +, writes (20 August 2010):
faith5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's so true Ohgetreal! I love hard and I just wanted to make sure I had did everything possible on my behalf to make it work! And ppl do change, I want to give him that chance a chance to change!
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (20 August 2010):
Your husband is abusive to you, that makes him an abuser. Any man is not an abuser in the start of a relationship, remember how he was with you? He has to be on better behavior in order to have a new woman, but his violence, drinking and abuse is still there.
I don't know why you think you need to beat a dead horse, you divorced him with good reason, why are you back together with him? That's just nuts frankly.
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A
female
reader, faith5 +, writes (20 August 2010):
faith5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried the separating thing many times the last four years! After separating so many times I then divorced him! I have tried to talk and I've asked questions, but it soon turns into pointing fingers! I'm not perfect and never did I want to separate,I valued being a wife but a person can only take so much! Now I can't say I was ever jealous that he was with another woman nor that he was happy! But what I will say is it burns me up to feel he could or would give another woman more respect then he gives me! Thanks... I to feel 21yrs should be held onto but we both have to work towards that and that's not always the case!
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A
female
reader, anonomys_anonomys +, writes (20 August 2010):
First off, not to be rude but marriage is supposed to be through thick and thin even if you do have to "separate" note i didn't say "divorce" everybody is a different person when they meet somebody else. thats just the way nature is. marriage is tiring and im sure you know it takes hard work but you should try talking to him and see why he just changed out of all the years you were together. seeing him with another woman and HAPPY made you jealous as ever and you know it, any woman would be! so you guys need to work together and untie all the knots so u can find out what is really going on because obviously something happened where he felt he couldn't come to you anymore. im happy to know that you guys are back together. 21 years is a hell of a long time so i wouldn't give that up. people dont get that chance anymore. good luck!!!
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