A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So last weekend my boyfriend and I were at his friends house for the week end living it up... The first night I only had a little to drink, and decided to go to bed, my boyfriend told me to take his phone with me and plug it in, and that he'd be down in a litle bit. I took it down stairs, and did something I shouldn't have. Here I feel the need to explain myself a little bit because I'm not sure if I was in the wrong or not. When my boyfriend and I had been together for three months he cheated on me with his ex, the one he was with before me. Since then he's appologised a million and a half times, and I think I'm okay, However I still feel sometimes that I need to check up on him. So I opened his sent box, and noticed that he'd been texting another girl an awful lot. So I opened a few messages and imdiately wished I hadn't. The only one I remember now, because it haunts me, he said "You're so tiny and cute, and I love talking dirty with you ;)". Now, tiny and cute are pet names he uses for me that until this point made my day. He never talks dirty with me partially because I don't really know how... but still is this cheating? Was I wrong to read his messages.When he came down to bed I asked him about it, and he said that she talks dirty with everyone, and that was just kinda the way she is. I told him I didn't want him talking dirty to other girls, he got really upset and said that it was a bad mistake, but all I really remember about the conversation is that he said that reading his messages was an invasion of his privacy. He also said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he'd work his ass off (pardon the language) to make our relationship work.Anyway I put it behind me, but the very next night, there was a big party of people and they were all drunk, some of them started making out, and my boyfriend also started making out with people. I told him I was going to bed, and he wanted to kiss me goodnight, I told him I didn't want to kiss him after he'd been kissing other people, and he said sorry and that he'd be down in a little bit. I went downstairs and decided I had better go back up to get some water, when I did he was kissing someone else in the kitchen I walked out, and left for about half an hour, when I came back he was really upset that I'd walked out on him, I told him why and he appologised but said that kissing means something different to him is different than it does to me. and that he had alot of history with the people he'd been kissing. I asked him if it would be okay if I kissed two different people I had alot of history with and he said no.Am I over reating? Or is it really almost like he told me he'd work his ass off then he proved to me I can't really trust him? I love him, I want this to work, but I can't really be the only one keeping us together... I hurt inside... and I don't know what to do, please help me.
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cheated on me, drunk, his ex, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 06SweetMama  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Your not over reacting on things like that. I also had an experienced of it before with a guy who seems to be insensitive on what i feel. Your guy is being so insensitive on what you feally and he only wants you to be sensitive on what he feels. Know what, why don't you test him, i mean why don't you try to kiss someone and check out on his reaction. If he let you did it(to kiss someone) then he is not for you.'Coz any guy would not want that his girl to be kissed by anyone. Try if he really loves you and then afterwards, have a small conversation of your likes and dislikes to one another. Conversations make a relationship lasts. =) good luck to your love life. ^.^
A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (9 April 2011):
You saw him cheating and you acted like that? I wish I could be that calm.
RUN!!! He deserves nothing from you. The other people have answered the right thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): Okay from what I have read, you boyfriend's behavior has included:
-cheating on you
-texting/flirting with other girls
-lying
-breaking promises
-kissing other people
So now I ask you this, if you were to imagine the perfect boyfriend what would he be like? Make a list right now of all the wonderful qualities he would have and don't think about your current boyfriend, other guys, or exes. Just think about what you need in a relationship. List everything.
Now once you have done that, review the list and see how your current boyfriend compares.
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A
female
reader, matureflowerx  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I am sorry but this guy does not love or respect you. If he did he would not treat you this way. The point of being boyfriend and girlfriend is that you are exclusive and you do not need nor want to be with any other.
You do not deserve to be treated like this. Why should he be allowed to cheat but you are not? Why do you allow him to cheat at all?
If he does not view kissing as cheating the way you do then you should not be together. You should be with a man who makes you happy and you are all the woman he needs. Open your eyes and realise you deserve a lot more.
I hope you leave this guy and find someone who deserves you.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): Im Sorry but he doesnt not repect you one bit, nor the relationship. As if he would kiss other girls when you were on holidays in the same house together!!! I cant imagine how stupid this guy is. You need to lay down the law hun, walk away! If you keep accepting his apologies he will keep at this. It sounds to me like hes not ready for a committed relationship.....Good Luck xx
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A
female
reader, prncssGrace  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 You are not overreacting. Get away from him. Im speaking to you from 10 years in the future with a guy who plays me over and over. And I wish at your age I had stuck up for myself and told the assholes who needed to hear it to "eat shit"Hes not worth your time. And you dont trust him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): I think you should run for the hills as soon as you can. In a relationship there should be only two people you and your partner. If he is kissing other people he is disrespecting you and your relationship together. Someone who loves and respects you would NEVER kiss another person. The temptation would never be there. This guy is trash. You deserve someone who treats you like a princess and would never want to hurt you. I don't know you but by the way you allow him to kiss other women leads me to believe you have low self esteem. If you don't love and respect yourself no one else will. Kick him to the kerb and find a guy who will love and cherish you and treat you like the beautiful princess you are. I wish you all the best xx
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