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female
age
30-35,
*rtistical_bumblebee
writes: i'm dating someone on the autistic spectrum i know because my dad is, sister and other members of my family so i picked up on a few things. for example my boyfriend doesn't like too many hugs. he can't cope with anyone but me drinking from his glass. certain foods he won't eat. he needs constant reassurance from me but won't give me any. he cant cope if i refuse him eye contact has random anger tantrums then acts like nothing happened and gets defensive if anyone hits on me. thing is he wants me to constantly reassure him that i don't want to be with any other guy but has never told me he doesn't want to be with any other girl. it upsets me because i feel constantly insecure. how do i tell when he needs me and misses me? how can anybody tell when an autistic person needs them?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Just a note of warning. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole. It is becoming very easy to find an excuse in the form of a mental condition.
I am saying this because the other two posters so far seem to have taken your amateur assumption of mental problems and taken it for granted.
If he is truly as autistic as you seem to claim (totally incapable of showing emotion) then why has there been no formal diagnosis? If he is a functional autistic, then why isn't he function in your relationship?
There are a lot of abuse cases on this forum, and your post reads remarkably the same. Either a lot of abusers are autistics or... well I will leave it to you to fill in the rest.
A
female
reader, crazychick  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 It is very difficult. My son has Aspergers so I know the problems that occur when dealing with social situations.
People with Aspergers tend to be very 'matter of fact' about things without considering other peoples feelings.
Your best bet would be to talk to him and lay it down in black and white. Tell him how you feel, your concerns, what he wants from you, and what you want from him, maybe even write it down so you can refer back to it.
You reassure him, but get nothing in return... it's not because he doesn't care, it just wouldn't occur to him that you need reassuring too, which is why you need to tell him. Even after you've spoken, he'll probably still need prompting to do or say things. Maybe you could come up with a code... if he needs reassurance whilst you're out, maybe he could sqeeze your hand so you know he's insecure and vice versa, or if you could do with a compliment to chear you up, you could put your arm around his waist... these little actions take away the awkwardness of asking for reassurance but gives a prompt to the other person which lets them know you're not feeling good and could do with a boost.
Once you get your own system going things should click into place... and a good thing about Aspergers boys is that they like their routines so he'll stick to it!...
Good luck, I hope my suggestion helps :)
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