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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is it crazy that after everything that has happened, I still have faith that he will come back?I was with the love of my life for two years, my first love. We were everything to each other. One day he left without any explanation. It has been a year since the breakup. I met with him for closure and he acted so strangely. He was kind and sweet and we left on good terms, although I still don't understand why we broke up. I decided to write him a letter, saying goodbye and telling him i still love him. I told him not to respond to the letter, but he did and was very angry and rude? Since the breakup, he still has not dated anyone. Ive been with two guys who i broke up with after only a few weeks. So much happened between us, the break up was explosive, he said he wasnt in love anymore but then came crawling back four times. He was so conflicted and I was so incredibly hurt. It has taken me months of therapy to just be 'okay' again but Im still holding on. Everyone keeps telling me to move on from him, that he needs to figure himself out, give him space. I havent contacted him since we met up a month ago and I dont plan on it. Im letting him sort out his life, but Im so lost. I cant move on when I dont want to move on. When against all logic I still believe deep down we are meant to be.Im trying to live my life, Im going out and studying and doing well in every aspect of my life. Im working and volunteering my time, trying my best to keep laughing through the tears. But no matter what I do, I cant let go of this belief in us, that we will get back together, that we are destined.Am I completely insane for still having hope after all the heartache and pain? Should I consider going back to therapy? What should I do to move on if every cell in body is still yelling at me to hold on, to have faith, to believe that our love was different, better than this tragic ending?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): You need to learn to let go and move on from this relationship. It is not the right time in your life for this. You are very young and the chances of a relationship that you started at the age of 16 to 18 is about 1% chance of lasting.
It was your first, don't let it be the last. Even though you don't see it now, you will not be the same person that you are today 5 years from now, and this boy would not even fit you in five years more than likely.
Don't drag this through the mud by writing letters to him and hanging on for him to come back, it will just ruin the memories that you have of the good times you shared.
The only reason that you are hanging on is because you fear change, and you are still thinking of the last person that you really cared for because you haven't met anyone new.
You do not have to be in a relationship to be happy. Just because you are single now does not mean that you are destined to be with this guy. Take this time on your own to learn how to be your authentic self, learn who you are, what you interests are and really bear down and focus on what you want to achieve in life for yourself.
Don't be a woman who defines herself or hangs her self esteem on a man. If you are happy alone, have a life of your own, you will attract a much healthier, happier man, love should be between two complete people, two adults, not two kids looking for the Jerry Maguire experience, "you complete me" is the biggest crock in movie history. Life is not a movie. You are not destined to be with any certain person. You make a life, you make choices and that is all there is to it.
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