A
male
age
41-50,
*ikkylikky
writes:Is it proper for the woman to always pin her phones preventing her husband to never have access to her phone? Even when the husband demand that both of them should remove pin code from their phones, she refused. There after the maids alleged that she spends night out when ever the hubb traveled which she denied , saying they just want to destroy her marriage. How can a husband handle such issue. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Sir,
may i also add, that a modern woman has a right to have her own privacy, even within her marriage, provided she is not being dishonest & disloyal to her husband.
If your wife chooses to place a pin on her ph, so nobody can get access to her private msgs & they may be from colleagues, friends, family, businesses, etc; then that's perfectly fine & ok.
Of course, if she were having an affair & you were unsuspect to that, well that's a different situation altogther, but even then, you would discuss things wouldn't you??
You would point out your suspicions, feelings, not simply accuse her, without real evidence.
You'd want to be absolutely certain, firstly, then you could decide whether or not you still want to continue with your marriage.
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (24 February 2015):
Sir,
before you get too over-heated, worried, angry, etc; regarding your wife's seemingly bizarre behaviour, please try to give her the benefit of the doubt & try to see things from her angle too.
Have you & your wife ever had any serious conflict within your marriage, that may actually have pushed her away from you, or be in the process of pushing her away?
(Be realistic about this)
As a modern woman, living within Western society, i will say that when women are subjected to demands, bossiness &/or bullying &/or abuse @ the hands of their supposed loving husbands, well it's little wonder that the wife, will then get the urge to find somebody better, or divorce her husband.
I am not implying, under any circumstances, that your wife is doing anything derogatory within your marriage, but if it is that she is unhappy with the way in which you may be treating her, or not treating her, she may be feeling the urge to do things, that she would have never contempleted before.
If you wish for your iwfe to respect you, then you must also respect her.
She is not an un-equal beneath you, although, sure, you should/must both respect one another within the confines of your marriage.
You should never have gone to talk to your maids, period!
What you should have done, is talk directly with your wife, as this is about your suspicions within your marriage, nothing to do with the maids!
Would you actually trust a maid, over your own wife?
Also, don't attack, accuse, your wife of anything. Let her know in a very calm manner, what you feel/think, then give her some time to respond, before you get angry or over-heated.
A calm manner, during any difficulty can actually work wonders. Try it.
If you still feel unsure after talking to her, that she is up to something, but refusing to be completely honest/open with you, then you are within your rights as her husband, to hire a private investigator, but as previous readers have said, this should only ever be a last resort.
Sure, we all come from different backgrounds, different cultures, whereby some things may seem appropriate to some & inappropriate to others,(this is called, cultural conditioning), but what is most important within any culture, within mankind itself, is for all of us to treat other, as we'd like to be treated.
Unfortunately & sadly, especially within many Middle Eastern cultures, women are the second class citizen & she will sadly, never have a voice, never have any rights.
This is what humane people would call "inhumane."
Again, i would kindly ask you to treat your wife with respect @ all times & do not "demand" that she tell you anything.
May i ask you sir,
Can your wife make the same demands of you?
If your answer is no, then you should think about why.
I would like to think that a man marries a woman because he sincerely loves & respects her, but the fact is not all men do marry for love, respect.
They marry so that they can bully & torment their wives.
We need to break these statistics & these vicious cycles.
Let's hope that the younger generation will do better than their ancestors.
On a final note, please talk to your wife, no forceful behaviour, no demands, no bossing, just talk rationally, calmly.
There is a saying, "Innocent until proven guilty."
Treat your wife as innocent, until you have any "concrete or actual" proof to go by.
Even if you found out something & you didn't like the outcome, you would be better off discussing the whys &/or deciding whether or not your marriage could go on, but getting demanding, abusive, physical is never the way.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): Sir, you shouldn't be asking your maids questions about your wife's behavior when you're gone. Your marriage is private and they're your employees.
If you want accurate information and have suspicions about your wife; you hire a private investigator. Keep your maids out of your personal business. They may not like your wife for whatever reason. You're authorizing them to spread gossip about your family by including them in your private-life.
You should tell your wife that you feel you cannot trust her, if she is hiding something from you on her phone. Then don't mention another word about it. Give her the chance to change her mind, before you hire someone to spy on her. That should be the last resort, and you better have justification for doing so. She would have the same right to do the same to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): Hire a private detective when you are away. But also consider WHY your wife might be unhappy in your marriage. If you are controlling her in a way that she finds oppressive then you can't expect her to genuinely respect you. A great many cultures and countries treat women only as possessions to be controlled by men and not as equal human beings.
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A
male
reader, dayvide +, writes (24 February 2015):
 I think she actually has a secret she's hiding... Women don't just pin their phone without reason its very rare for women to pin their phone with their husband so I guess you need to find out but the outcome might not be pleasing
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 "Even when the husband demand"
You "demand"??? And you wonder why you are not getting anywhere? Can you demand a river to change it course?? No! But you can gently change a rivers course with patients and working on the issue.
If you are a "demanding" person, guess what your wife will try to find? Someone who is not. Want your wife to stay home and give you her phone??? Treat her so good that she would have no reason to leave, or look for anyone else.
I don't buying her stuff...Give her things money cannot buy. Like what? Love, respect, attention, affection, and so on.
Problems in marriages are always caused by two people, not just one. Make sure you do your part, so no one can point their finger at you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 You have to handle it calmly, but her behaviour does sound suspicious.
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