A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sixteen and have been living with my father the past two years. To say the least, things aren't working out. We fight all the time, and I feel like it's because he blames me for his marriage falling apart. Let me tell you that I have lived through two divorces already on my mothers side, I have moved eleven times, and I don't want to watch a third marriage go down the drain or have to move again. I have a two year old little brother that I feel obligated to protect against my fathers negativity, but I don't want to live with him by myself. My mom lives 500 miles away from me so that's not a very pleasant option either. I'm a pretty good girl, I don't do drugs, I've never had sex, I don't drink, in fact I barely get out at all. Obviously I hope this all works out and they stay together, but I don't know what's going to happen. This is too much. what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am currently staying with my mother for the summer but I'll be going back in 3 days. Hopefully the situation will have diffused by then. I've just got to stick it out.
Wish me luck with whatever comes next.
Thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Of course your not in the wrong?! What the hell of you done?!
I really suggest you get out of there. As I said possibly take your little brother but if you can't, and probably can't, just go.
Come back when it gets better, or permantley stay with your mum because you'll probably be happier there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your words. If nothing else, it helps me to know that I'm not in the wrong here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Your acting very maturely for your age. Very maturely...
As rcn said, its better to either talk to him or write things down and give it to him. That way at least you've told him how you feel. It might go straight over your head, but you would've tried.
If it does, I suggest you stay away a bit. As in, avoid the situation. The only problem is that you can't stay with your mum because of your brother. Talk to his 3rd wife about your brother. Talk to her about the situation. She might be in no mood, but you have to try. Particularly talk to her about taking your brother away for a bit while they try and sort something out.
It might not work though, but try anything.
If all else fails, just go. Your brother won't even notice and at least you'll get away from it. Come back in a week or so, possibly even two.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2008):
 I want you to tell your dad how you feel. You don't have to do so as a personal conversation. Write down what you wrote here and put it somewhere he can find it. Let your dad know you're scared. I bet you'll find your dad is also because he doesn't have all the answers. He also may not understand how this is affecting you.
I sense you are really afraid, and full of confusion not knowing from one day to another how adult decisions are going to affect your life. I want you to know, none of this is your fault. It's not your job to take everything on yourself. You shouldn't have to.
Divorce is difficult. Unfortunately, often people use it as a quick way out because it's easier than working on their problems. I worked with a couple once who were ready to end it. Their problem was he worked all the time then was too tired to pay attention to family. I had them, once a week, schedule a date, 2 hours together without kids. She said that 2 hours was the difference between divorce and not. A small change went a long way for them. They are still happily married.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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