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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I am a 24 year old married girl. I got married 2 years ago. I dont have any kids and my husband is away for the past year. I want to know how big a deal is sex.I love my husband, but i do not think that I should only have sex with him. I occasionally have sex with my male friends. when i have sex with them i do not feel any emotional attachment with them. My husband doesnt know that I am having sex with other guys.I want to knowa) is sex such a big dealb) are there others who feel the samec) should i tell my husband I am having sex with other guys.d) Is it wrong to satisy your sexual needs from someone aside from your husband if he cannot.Aunt's waiting for your advice... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This is almost like someone asking "Is it bad to murder people?"
If you have to ask these questions in the first place, then I don't know how any answer I might give will get through to you.
Please, just don't spread STDs or have children with this behavior.
A
male
reader, bOROi  +, writes (31 March 2010):
You have sex with others without any emotional feeling????? i thought that statement should only come from a call girl, at least they get paid for being laid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): You are so far in the wrong I have no idea where to begin! You have been cheating on your husband, and unless you have that type of marriage, it is totally wrong.
And if it was purely sex, then you should have bought a vibrator.
Good luck with your divorce papers.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 March 2010):
Marriage is supposed to be between two people, and that's it. How do you think your husband would REALLY feel if he found out you were having sex with other men. And would you REALLY be happy if you found out he was having sex with other women. Realistically, your husband dis the man you should talk to. But don't be surprised if he walks. Because most men would. When you get married, the idea is that you're only with one person. If you were not ready for that, you should not have got married.
1 - Sex is a HUGE deal to someone who is truly committed.
2 - There will be others who feel the same. Most are now divorced because the partners did not feel the same.
3 - He'll find out anyway. And it's better coming from you.
4 - The only time you can have sex with other men is if your husband agrees. Other than that, you're just living a lie.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Have you ever heard of a vibrator? To me sex is always about a deep connection with someone but if you need to cum and your husband isn't there instead of having meaningless sex to get a release use a vibrator and a porno. That way no one gets hurt and you feel good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Is your husband so bad in bed that you want ot get your kicks elsewhere? If you didn't see why staying faithful to your man is important then maybe you married the wrong person.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 My own personal beliefs on the value of sex in a marriage notwithstanding, you're being dishonest here. While there ARE some open marriages that can work, this isn't an open marriage that you're in. This is just adultery. If you truly feel it's no big deal, then you would have already mentioned it to him at some point in the last two years... and you wouldn't be asking us here if you're alright keeping this a secret from your husband.
To answer your questions directly:
A) To most people, yes sex is a very big deal. Many marriages end outright when adultery is discovered.
B) Sure there are others that are casual about sex. Is your husband one of them? Have you considered talking to him about this? Or are you just doing whatever you like regardless of what it will do to him?
C) Even if you never tell him, he WILL find out sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather to have the chance to tell him yourself then let him find out from someone else?
D) If you and your husband agree to let you satisfy yourself elsewhere, then that's between you. But if you lie to him, betray your vows, keep secrets, and put your sexual needs above his mental and emotional health, then yes that's wrong.
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Im assuming that it is okay for your husband to be sleeping with his female friends ?
But I can assume he won't be happy. It is afterall the wrong thing to do. The only person in your bed should be your husband, its called marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): You should have discussed have discussed with your husband if extramarital sex was acceptable to both of you. Apparently you didn't. You say don't feel anything emotional when you have sex with your male friends. What is wrong with you? You are obviously feeling something. You are someone who should have never gotten married.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Sex is supposed to be connected with love. The sad truth is, it often isn't. You might even say 'having sex' and 'making love' are different things.
What is your husband's opinion on this? Because if he only believes in sex as an act of love then this isn't fair to him because it might make him feel that you just don't want him. I mean technically, it's cheating.
If he's fine with it and does it himself then that's fine because it's working out for both of you. But truth is, in a lot of cases, when you sleep with someone on a regular basis, you develop an emotional attachment. So make sure the friend's you're sleeping with are aware there are no feelings involved because if they think you're interested and start to have feelings for you, they're gonna be heart broken when you realise you were only in it for the sex.
It's not really fair on your husband or your friends so if I were you I'd stop.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Yes fidelity is a big deal and yes you should tell your husband. I have know idea what he thinks on this subject but I can guess he won't be happy but he still has a right to know.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I don't know what you said when you got married, but my vows included the phrase "forsaking all others." In other words, I promised I would have sex with anyone else. Did you two make that promise? The real question is what did your husband expect when he married you?
In most marriages sex and fidelity are a very big deal indeed. But we do have people pop up here from time to time who have open marriages and it seems to work for them. Those couples almost always tell each other everything. At a minimum your husband needs to know what you're doing, if for no other reason than to protect himself from anything you might catch.
Personally I don't understand why you got married in the first place if getting your itches scratched immediately is so important to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Why ask us these questions? The man who is your husband is the one whose opinion you should be seeking. I cannot comment on every marriage, as each individual one has its own priorities.If you are sleeping with men behind his back, I do know that you are exposing yourself to potentially getting and STD and that STD could be passed on to your husband. That is really irresponsible and quite unfair on your part.When you took your marriage vows, what did you promise to your husband? Did you promise to be faithful? Well, if you did, then your husband would probably expect you to keep those promises.To some people, sex is a big deal and part of a committed relationship. To others, it's like some sort of recreational outlet. Ask your husband how he feels about it. Would you be okay with him sleeping with other women? Even if you get an STD from one of them who gave it to him?Sounds like your marriage needs some honest and open communication.Hiding things like this from him is not good--he has a right to expect that his health and emotional well-being are not being compromised by your lies of omission.Good luck with your discussions.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Watch it! When you married your intimacy should be with your husband and you should not be committing adultery. Good luck he might dump you for being unfaithful.
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