A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I originally wrote http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-aspergers-and-im-bisexual-how-do.htmlThank you for your advice.As for the positives, I'm good at computers and have a variety of interests - however, these tend to be very male-dominated or dominated by older people as I'm into cars/motorbikes, music, computers, travel, history, geography (just to list some of them).I suppose my good points are that I am kind and gentle (although that's considered a bit unmanly by some, but gentlemanly by others) and can talk well with older people - uncles, grandparents etc. As for what I look for in a woman it tends to fall into two very different things - older women (due to the fact I get on well with older people, and not for the 'cougar' thing) or women of different race (Scandinavian, Afro-Caribbean, Mediterranean, Indian, Italian etc. - but don't confuse that with a race fetish, my city is fairly multiracial as it is. A race fetish is a different thing. I go for personality more than their race, it just happens to be who I was attracted to. Yes, their looks are one thing, but that's only part of who they are. As it is with women, I tend to go on personality rather than looks (and that's not too hypocritical, considering I'm slightly geekish-looking, but not ugly). I suppose personality is a major thing, as is how far they live.However, as a result of my Asperger's syndrome, I have difficulty keeping friends but am good at meeting new people, I suppose it comes down to trusting them and that - I was bullied a bit when I was younger, to cut a long story short.I have difficulty trying to find social activities where people won't ridicule me for my age (I do know a bit about some of the topics relating to my interests, but to say i know a lot would be overkill/boastful) and I won't use social networking sites, as they're too risky - not just from a malware POV. Some of my hobbies are fairly seasonal - like mountain-biking and hillwalking.It's not that I don't meet people, I do, it's just meeting the right peopleI enjoy life, am not complaining about it, it's just trying to find a partner to enjoy life with which is a problem.All help is much appreciated from anyone.Disclaimer: Details have been changed/anonymised for the purpose of safety and anonymity.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 October 2012):
People with Apsergers are often gifted and intellectually intelligent.
But sometimes their emotional intelligence needs some work to ensure satisfactory relationships with others. Often they come to rely on their partner to smooth over many things that could cause problems and misunderstandings amongst people with no experience of dealing with the person with Aspergers
It does not have to be that challenging, if the person with Aspergers can see the necessity to adapt in ways that demonstrate more empathy.
"don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes" and there lies the problem for you.
As a person with Aspergers you may see things differently to other people and this can cause problems in a relationship. Especially when you do not "see" that such difference is evident to others.
And as this article below, says, the changes and adaptation has to come from you as well, even though you may have trouble seeing this at the outset:
http://www.aspia.org.au/pdf/Grigg_Is_There_Hope.pdf
But there is hope. And one way is to address ways of improving your emotional intelligence. This test can be done several times over a period of months to see where you can adapt to more closely resemble a person with high functioning emotional intelligence:
Free Emotional Intelligence Test: http://www.ihhp.com/?page=freeEQquiz
And some of the points made in this reply to a person asking the question below may also assist you in some ways to make your more "date ready" to find a partner who will love and understand you and where you will have a mutually satisfactory relationship:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-toughen-myself-up-and-keep.html
And when you do decide to date some girls here is your tutorial, below, on things that can make things work to your advantage
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/20-questions-to-ask-someone-on-a-date.html
By the way one experiment on your part does not indicate that you are bisexual. I think everything you have said have indicated that you are hetrosexual.
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